Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die

First of all let me say that this is my first review of anything. However, I find that writing about this topic has helped me cope with the loss of my best friend.This book is not a cure, a solution, quick fix and most likely you will not agree with everything in it. Some chapters will not apply to your situation and who you are as a person. Reading it will most likely make you cry and maybe laugh a little. I read the reviews and I do not understand what the nit picking is about. This book was not written for us individually but I feel their is some good in this book for everyone. It may be 10 percent for some 90 percent for others and everywhere in between. If you have an open mind and want to try and start walking down the road to feeling better this will help to some degree. It provides perspective, that we are not alone and that the number one killer is GUILT. I knew subconsciously that my dog would most likely not outlive me. That a terrible day was in store for me at some point in my future and we never want that day to come even though we knew it was part of the deal from the start.I miss my companion more than air and I am very sad and do not have much motivation for anything else right now. It has been 2 weeks and I could have still had her here today with me, but would it be for the right reasons? For our own feelings we say of course what I did was wrong and I should not have given up on her. We say this because we feel so awful that it must have been the wrong decision. My wife says she knows in her heart that she did the right thing though it was the hardest thing she had to do in her entire life she is at peace with it. The fixer, problem solver in me is not so lucky and confident with what has transpired.My Scratchy loved looking out the window, car rides, going to the park, chasing bunnies, playing tug, steak, carrots, chocolate and hanging out on our roof deck. I spent the last day doing all the things she loved that she could still do and then did the unimaginable, I said goodbye and let her go to heaven. If deserving I will see her again.Until then she is immortalized in a oil on canvas painting, in a Humane Society calendar, on a wine bottle, a self made painting and hundreds of pictures.I have read this book and had e-mail communication with a pet-loss counselor over the past 2 weeks and though I am still very sad I feel that these outlets have helped make my days a bit better.Below is a bit of my story. It may help, it may not. If it does and you can relate or have more questions perhaps we can help each other and your comments and perspective are welcome.I never had a pet of my own growing up, nobody close to me had passed away and my worst day was when my dirty, torn blanky disappeared when I was 5. I was raised by my grandparents, never knew my dad and the thought of finding him or getting a pet were the furthest things from my mind. In 1997 I starting dating my future wife and had just moved into my own home. In 1998 she moved in with a bunny rabbit in tow. I did not really like the bunny and saw him as too much work, a distraction and his pee was stinky! She had him since college and I new it was going to be a tough road for me. Being the master problem solver I offered a solution. Can we find a good home for the bunny if we can get a dog?She agreed and with a Petsmart across the street from my job, I headed over for the first time and saw this black skinny 45lb shepard/lab mix with the biggest radar ears you have ever seen. She was there from the local Humane Society and something about her instantly drew me in. I went home got my girlfriend and went to to the Humane Society. She liked her as well and the deal was done. Her name was Jan at the shelter; however that did not fit so while in the car we provided her with her forever home and her forever name: "Scratchy". She had separation anxiety and being a new dog owner I was not even sure what that meant but I learned quickly. Our first 6 months together proved to be difficult at best. The problem solver (me) was feeling like I out smarted myself and almost wished the bunny was back. The door trim was destroyed, she houdinied her way out of her crates, bent them to be they were almost unusable without a master lock. Slid the tray out of the bottom, moved the entire crate across the room and would bolt out the door without warning at everything that moved. She pulled on her walks like a freight train and was a sensitive eater. We all made through and she became the most amazing companion and I cannot remember my life without her.In 2003 My Grandfather who was always there for me and who I depended on for so much of my life went to be with the lord. It was the first experience at 31 that I had with true loss and it was devastating. I developed health issues and I prayed daily that if the Lord could help with through this I can make it through anything life has in store for me. I did get through it but I was wrong.In a way Scratchy became me and I was my Grandfather. She depended on me and it was my job to be there for her, provide for her, give a warm place to sleep, food, walks, and playtime. Scratchy provided unconditional, nonjudgmental love in return. Neither parents nor kids are perfect but we do the best we can with what we have.Kids are suppose to outlive their parents, however dogs are with us for such a short time and medical science as is with people and pets can keep them alive much longer than they can provide a good quality of life. At 14+ a 70lb lab/shepard mix has lived a long life and i would have kept her going till the end.However my wife who saw things in a different light kept telling me that enough was enough. My poor Scratchy could no longer do the stairs, then was tripping and falling on her walks, then stopped getting up to greet us, needed my help to go potty and could no longer stand to eat. Her Arthritis was bad and her legs were weak. Mr. Problem solver (me) was trying everything and kept saying she is still having good days, please give it more time. My wife saw me as selfish and was stripping our Scratchy's dignity away from her and this is not how she should be remembered. I would have carried her anywhere and done anything, but was it for Scratchy or for me?Regardless, guilt steals our joy and our loving memories with poisonous thoughts that keep us in the dark. One more day was never going to be enough and whether it was one more week, or one more month the day I dreaded was coming soon one way or another. Either way guilt was right behind it. I do not feel we can escape it; however we must learn to fight it. Our best weapons are our happy memories, knowing we do not have to fight alone and time.Thanks for reading.

If you can read this book without being judgmental about some of the the author's views and personal decisions he had to make about his animals' final journey, you will see and appreciate the beauty of it. I recently had to say goodbye to my beloved cat who was my life, my love and heart and soul. The grief is indescribable. I could not even begin to share with others how I am feeling. How could I even begin to sum it up, it is not possible. Having now read this book, I would hand it to them and tell them to read it. All the questions, all the answers, all of the heartache and pain and beauty and love and joy. It is all there.

We had to put down our cat after being with him for 16 1/2 years. He came down with cancer a little over a year ago and with medications it slowed the progression of the disease but we knew that the remaining time with him was going to be limited. We loved him dearly and spoiled him even more so during the last months of his life. Even though we knew the day was coming, we dreaded the reality of it. I was overcome with grief and missed him dearly! I decided to try this book to see if it could help. It is an easy read and although the tears of grief flowed while I read the book, it helped me significantly transition from sorrow and grief stricken to embracing the fond memories that we had together with Hunter, our cat, and what a positive impact he had on our lives. Those memories will always be with us. Katz's discussion about being an advocate for your animal and how they think versus people was extremely helpful. He discusses many topics and emotions you are going through as a result of your loss. I highly recommend this book to those that will be putting your pet down or will be shortly. He also has great advise when children are in the family and how to include them in the process.

Good book and very helpful to know that I am not alone during this difficult time . The book did begin to get a bit repetitive towards the end . All in all it was very good

In the past six months I lost my two best animal friends, Sweetie Cat and Bud Cat, both eighteen years old. "Going Home" helped me deal with the grief and gave me support, guidelines, and a place to mirror my thoughts and concerns. Mr. Katz has penned a fine volume full of sympathetic ideas, insights, and suggested actions. The words of this book softened my pain and provided paths for healing. I highly recommend Jon Katz's "Going Home".Using a helpful Jon-Katz conversation with my kitty-cats: I ask, "Am I being disloyal to the two of you by thinking about getting a couple of kittens?" "Why would that be disloyal?" they reply. "Well ..." "You always gave us the best of everything, food, affection, vet care, a loving and safe indoor environment. That's all any cat can ask for. We expect you to share your life again in the same manner." "Won't that be like saying Good-bye?" They look at one another. "No," they answer, "it's moving on, not Good-bye." Bud and Sweetie begin to fade from view. "You said your love for us will always live in your heart. We know it will. We believe you."

I've read several of Jon Katz books and loved them all. I think that this book is a must read for every pet owner, especially BEFORE they lose their pet. I read it and then read it again after my daughter lost her 15 year old dog. I have an 11 year old Golden Retriever and I plan to read it again before his time comes. As Jon suggested, I had a talk with my vet about what I want for my Golden as he ages!.Update: I'm so thankful that I read this book long before I ever needed it. It was very hard when we lost our Golden this year but I was well prepared for the decisions I had to make. I've also read it again since he died and the book was good for grieving too. Every pet owner should read this book. I've given several copies as gifts to family and friends and also my vet!

This is a must to read for any pet owners. Be it a dog, cat, hamster, whatever. I wish I had read this before I had my cat euthanized but I found this while surfing the Internet the day after my cat was put down. I proceeded to order it from Amazon. In fact I ordered three copies. One for my daughter, one for my friend and a keeper for me. To my surprise it was here in 3 days. I immediately read the book, cried my eyes out and am so blessed I came across this book. There is a lot of healing, good advise and of course a wonderful story. Veterinarians should have this in their offices if they carry books. I highly recommend this book. Praise to Jon Katz!

The loss of a beloved pet is never easy for anyone.Jon Katz adopted Orson, a border collie with a loving personality but many problematic behaviours. Eventually he made the decision to euthanize him.'Orson had bitten people, and I couldn't be sure he wouldn't do it again. I had spent many thousands of dollars on dog trainers, psychics, pills, shamans, holistic practitioners, veterinary druggists, and acupuncture. I even ordered him some calming medicine from China. Perhaps I ought to have taken it myself. There wasn't anything else I could do for Orson.'I think that it is a very difficult decision to make, to have a pet put to sleep; put down; euthanased. The term itself comes from the Greek, meaning a `Good death'. Death at the right time, in the right way; if such is possible. I personally believe it is the last good thing we can do for a pet, at the time we can do nothing further for them, and when they are suffering. And I have shed buckets of tears as I have held dogs and cats and rabbits in my arms over the years as they were gently killed by a vet to spare them further pain.Katz describes how Harry gave his dog, Duke, a perfect day, shortly before his expected death. `a special day, filled with all the things Duke loved most, as close to perfect as Harry could make it. He would take his Canon PowerShot along to capture some images of the day, to preserve the memories.'Harry took the day off work. He fed Duke his favourite food in the morning of the Perfect Day; then they played for a while in the garden with Duke's favourite toys. They walked and paddled at Duke's favourite pond; then back home to snack and rest. Later, another of Duke's favourite walks, done at a slow pace and with pauses to rest and have doggy cuddles. Then home for a favourite dinner and an evening on the couch together, Duke's head in Harry's lap, while watching tv. When Duke died a few weeks later, Harry buried him in the yard with some bones, his collar and his favourite toys.I think this is a beautiful story, and I cry while reading it. I think it is a beautiful thing to do to make any animal's life special. A beautiful thing to make a person's life special. It gives us the opportunity when they have died to remember them and ourselves as we were when happy.There is so much in this book. I have had the experience of most cat lovers, of the cat they love one day simply not returning home. You look for them, maybe put up posters offering a reward. You envision all the things that might have happened; you hope they simply went to live with someone else, as cats sometimes will do. But you expect they are dead.Katz tells the story of Merricat, who disappeared in the woods where she loved to roam. At last her bereaved owner went to the woods and held a little ritual to give herself some sense of closure, and pay tribute to the animal she had loved.`She took the blanket that Merricat had always curled up on in the house and walked out into the woods. She had prepared a eulogy for her cat and read it aloud, even though there wasn't another soul in sight: "Merricat, goodbye. I need to bring my love for you and grief for you to a close, so that I can go on with my life and perhaps bring love and comfort to another cat. My guess is that you ran into some other creature of the night, one much like you, and that you sacrificed yourself for the freedom and independence you demanded, even as you loved me so much. I honor you for that, and love you for it. And so I say goodbye to you, right here and right now. I have mourned you, and I want to move ahead now. Your spirit will always be in my life, in my memory, and in these woods, where you lived your life on your own terms; and perhaps lost it in the same way. To you, I give all the love in the world."There is so much sound information in this book to help someone place their grief at the loss of a pet in some helpful context, and perhaps prepare for it before time comes. And there is much also to help anyone who has suffered bereavement of any kind. Good and useful information, and often rather beautifully phrased.`Pain defines love, gives it meaning. Without pain, love is nothing. Grieving hurts, but it cleanses and purifies us and brushes against our souls. It whispers to us that we received the great gift of unconditional love, and that does not ever die.'If you have pets, if you love animals, read this book. It gives a voice to the grief we feel when they leave us, and helps us understand that there is nothing wrong in shedding tears or feeling grief at the loss of something we have loved and shared our lives with. It is a beautiful book that will make you cry, and make you feel wonderful.

a comfort after my dog passed....highlighted many areas to re-read

This helped me so much, I lost my fur baby, three week ago...😢

This book gave our children some invaluable insight and information about our own feelings at this difficult time. Our kids appreciate learning another point about what happens when we lose a cherished pet. My daughter read and continues to read this book.