The Road Through Wonderland: Surviving John Holmes

This woman, Dawn Schiller, is to be heralded for surviving such a turbulent life and to do such good WITH her life because she DID survive such horrors. I had an extremely abusive childhood due to both parents chronically beating me and terrorizing me and like Dawn, had little food to eat. However, NOBODY ever brought consistent food for me to eat, let alone any food, so it is easy to see how and why Dawn and her sister, Terry, would have been drawn to John Holmes and grateful that he saw to their needs and he was always feeding them, giving them jobs around the apartment complex so they could earn money and they were allowed to live in two cottages because John and his wife, Sharon, granted permission for them to do so. I was disgusted to read about the physical abuse and "rages" as Dawn labeled what her mother put her through, as it mirrored the chronic abuse I'd suffered, and even more put off by Dawn's and Terry's father leaving his daughters to their own devices, clear across the country, where he'd said he'd had a "plan" for them to start a new life. Instead, their father immediately hooked up with Harriet, who'd allowed them to stay at her cottage. People who are scoffing at this biography have obviously never gone through the terror and bewilderment of being abused, emotionally, physically and spiritually, nor have they obviously ever wondered where their next meal/s would come from. Like one woman wrote, a child's brain isn't even fully formed to allow the child to make seemingly rational decisions until they are well into their twenties and I believe Dawn acted with tremendous maturity at age fifteen, especially since she so fully described the gang-filled neighborhood she was forced to spend her formative years in, when she lived in Florida and her father had taken off to trek through Asia for YEARS. As for reviewers on here who feel Dawn either fabricated her book or used a ghostwriter, who on Earth lies in their diary??? She was encouraged to write her memoirs and for some people, this is a cathartic process to find closure in what one has withstood. Dawn's book contains resources for teens and women seeking refuge from abusive environments, plus she formed her own foundation called E.S.T.E.A.M., so she could assist "throwaway" teens in their time of need. It is a greatly tragic aspect of society when children are so extremely abused in their homes that they feel they have no choice other than to flee what should be the security of their own homes. I applaud Dawn Schiller for having the courage to write so thoroughly about how her own life unfolded and how she survived and wound up helping others because she recognized the need for resources to be available for teens and mothers living on their own. One thing I do not understand and has upset me greatly, is that Dawn gave up Thor, who'd endured violence and terror himself due to John Holmes, yet loyally stayed by her side, when she followed her father to Asia for more of his "big plans" * "plans" which hardly panned out (her father's "plans" NEVER materialized, so she should have seen a pattern) and she was stranded in both Thailand and Japan. The detective had given Dawn his business card when she'd turned John into them, stating over and over she could call him if she needed anything, and I would have said that yes, I need an apartment and a steady job so I don't have to give up my loyal companion. She could have gone back to Oregon with her brother at that point; I feel she had choices so she wouldn't have had to give up Thor who no doubt, is in Heaven now. She also could have checked the country's quarantine laws so even if Thor had had to be quarantined for six months, he would have still been safe then reunited with her. My heart broke and I sobbed more than anything over what she did. I can speak from experience and do not mean to sound so judgmental; I'm sure Thor was better off in better and more responsible surroundings, but I cannot fathom that she gave him up just to go on some pipe dream of her father's. When it didn't work out, she should have come back as more than a few people were willing to assist her, and she could have gotten Thor back, but that's just my opinion and I apologize if I sound harsh and critical. She probably did what she thought was best at the time...

When I FINALLY got this book (took several weeks as Amazon shipped me some meditation book mismarked as this one and then there were many hassles getting it returned and getting what I ordered), I was pleased at the level of detail and the good writing within. I knew this book had been made into a movie and frankly even if it had been poorly written it probably would have sold because of the storyline and the involvement of porn star John Holmes. However, this is a fairly universal story of a very young girl getting involved with a much older man who's connected to dark and seamy sides of life - not so much the porn industry, but drug dealing and associated crimes. The porn industry figures into this story very little and is barely discussed. Aside from a couple of short references to Holmes' movies or the extreme size of his member (painful for a teenager, as you'd expect), this could have been any older man with a seedy dark side who took advantage of a naive and poor young girl. I have read similar stories where the man was the next door neighbor or the boss at work. These sleazeballs are out there and unfortunately young girls looking for love are vulnerable to their attentions, which, as here, usually start out very nice and kind for a long time before turning controlling and nasty. Men looking for a mature and responsible relationship don't seek out such young partners - especially when such men are already married.Holmes' wife Sharon, who was almost a second mother to Dawn even while Dawn was engaged in an affair with her husband, is an extremely interesting person, and her confrontation with a hit man near the end was better than a Tarantino movie. There are numerous other colorful characters, making this read almost like fiction at times. I had to keep reminding myself this was about a real girl and her real, awful life.Although I don't want to nitpick this person's bravely telling her story, she seemed very uncritical of, and kind to, her parents who treated her in grossly dysfunctional ways. Her mother beat her; her father dragged the family out of a stable environment into a high-crime neighborhood in another state, and smoked dope with his daughter; Dawn and her siblings were hungry and poor. Not only does he not object to Dawn's involvement with Holmes, he also persuades Dawn's 14-year-old sister to move out of his house and in with her boyfriend, an 18-year-old former gang member, even though the sister seems less than thrilled with the arrangement. I understand that kids love their parents no matter what, and a lot of parents are not perfect, and this was the 1970s, but I could see where life with John and Sharon Holmes would look relatively stable and like a better alternative, at least at first. Sharon at least had her act together much more than Dawn's parents did. At the end there is a dissatisfying conclusion where Dawn goes off to Asia with her father and implies that she got into some trouble over there and her father gave her bad advice or didn't help her, but this is all glossed over in two lines. One gets the feeling that dear old dysfunctional dope-smoking Dad is still up on some pedestal in Dawn's mind, even though he helped wreck his daughter's life almost as much as Mr. Holmes.I also felt that this story did not take the whole 1970s milieu into account very well. Nowadays the world would regard an older man hitting on a 15-year-old girl as some sort of sex offender; back then, especially in places like Hollywood, it was pretty common. A lot of older movie actors and rock musicians dated 15 and 16-year-olds, who often had parents who were just as abusive or out to lunch as Dawn's parents were. I'm not saying it was right or good, as many of these girls ended up on drugs or being abused just as Dawn did. But back then, such relationships were more socially acceptable than they are today, which could account for why no adult ever stepped in to "save" Dawn from Holmes' early attentions.

This book is truly shocking and gripping. I read this is only 2/3 days, as once you start you cannot put it down.The way the book is written, is a masterpiece - you feel as though you are feeling the same things as Dawn, not just reading them. Although the reality of what happened is incomprehensible and I am sure no one can understand the true gravity apart from the people in this book.Highly recommended read

A wonderfully written memoir which kept me hooked from the beginning. How dawn survived is amazing. A real eye opening experience of a young girl and a two bit porn star hooked on drugs and violence that came to a sticky end.

I couldn't put this book down. What a powerful story! The author takes you on her journey so honestly that you are brought in close. You really do see it from her point of view and almost feel an understanding of how easy it must have been to get embroiled in it all, no matter how distant her life is from yours.

A beautifully written depiction of her descent to hell, Dawn schiller's tale of her harrowing journey with John Holmes is so particularly sad set against the seemingly loving and romantic start. I intend to find the film version to watch too.

Excellent book, I was totally engrossed in Dawn's story. Would definitely recommend.