The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

As a psychologist and mom of teens, I highly recommend this sensitive and science-based perspective on why empowering our kids to take control of their lives is so vitally important. Through straightforward and easy to understand discussions, along with relatable and humorous anecdotes, the authors take the reader by the hand and show us how easy it can be to help kids face their life, and their challenges, with more courage and drive. One of my favorite passages addresses the familiar dilemma of how and when to let your kids fail, especially when the stakes feel so high. The authors offer grounded words of caution in trying to protect them from themselves, and ultimately doing too much: "The adults supporting these kids have the best intentions. They just want to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. But trying to protect a kid from himself year after year will weaken him... Remember that ultimately his school work is his problem, and that if you work harder to help him than he does, you are doing him no favors." Cultivating a sense of power and autonomy is critical to coping with stress effectively, as well as growing the confidence we need to keep trying when life gets tough. The authors explain the science and distill these broad principles into dozens of concrete strategies we can start adding to our parenting toolbox tonight. This inspiring, yet fiercely practical, book should be a go-to resource for any parent looking to raise stronger, more confident kids.

Autonomy is a basic need for everyone, kids included. It's what helps them grow into confident adults.

This book was filled with great advice, parenting tips, personal tips, examples, and a checklist for implementation. All this was backed up by research, which was thoroughly cited within the text with links in the Kindle version. I have added many books mentioned in this book to my reading wishlist.

This is a great parenting book! In my own experience as a father, it’s extremely difficult to give up the sense that I must control everything in order to fully protect my children. At the same time, I also realize that unnecessarily inserting myself into every choice my children face causes extra stress and problems in my relationships with my kids. This book has helped me helped my kids by allowing them to take more control of their own lives.

read this after reading hunt gather parent, i had younger kids but will definitely implement as they get older. i love the overall message, but the examples were for more teenage kids! Great information about the brain as well as social constructs that impact our parenting!

In The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives, Dr. William Stixrud (a neuropsychologist) and Ned Johnson (a test prep specialist) provide the hard science, inspiring anecdotes, and practical how-to’s to get you out of your kid’s way. Children need agency to live fulfilling lives, so don’t be a manager, be a non-anxious consultant. It’s a parenting book at heart, but one that is so relevant to the homeschool journey. This book is a powerhouse that I enthusiastically recommend for homeschoolers, which is ironic since the book is written squarely from within a traditional schooling paradigm—odd since school is the biggest culprit denying most children and teens any meaningful control over their lives. The authors do go so far as to call school a “brain-toxic environment,” but never go so far as to explicitly consider an alternative like self-directed education. Really it’s a testament to how good this book is that it reaches across the educational aisle and applies to homeschooling so perfectly. “‘It’s your call. I have confidence in your ability to make informed decisions about your own life and to learn from your mistakes.'”

In "The Self-Driven Child," authors William Stixrud and Ned Johnson offer the sort of advice that every parent, and indeed teacher, would do well to take to heart. Steeped in psychology and experience of two individuals who clearly care greatly for the children that come into their lives, “The Self-Driven Child” offers such insights that appear both novel and obvious. Best of all, the book does so while maintaining a tone that is more similar to having coffee with two friends with years of expertise rather than reading a book that is heavy on neuroscience. A central theme of the book is the impact of stress on developing minds, especially that stress which is seemingly beyond a child’s control. The science behind the reasoning is well-explained throughout, but especially in the early chapters of the book. While it might be tempting for some to skip over the technical discussion, it is crucial to understanding the points that Stixrud and Johnson are trying to make. Much of the approach, understandably, has to do with the role of parents. In this, Stixrud and Johnson recommend that rather than adding to the stress of the situation, parents instead take a stronger ‘consulting’ role. While this may sound a bit too hands-off for parents used to coordinating tutoring sessions and dance lessons, it in reality seeks to only accelerate the sort of relationship that parents wish to have with their children after they leave home. So many ‘success stories’ for relationships between parents and adult children hinge on a relationship of the child freely asking for advice, but knowing that the parent is there as a fount of knowledge, not as a boss. Stixrud and Johnson simply speed that process along, shifting more and more control, and thus less stress, to the child. The importance of stress management is one that the authors seek to highlight as crucial to the development of any child. As such, a number of solutions are offered. Transcendental Meditation is particularly highlighted; both the authors are practitioners, and the book points to a number of examples where charter and private schools have embraced the practice. For those without access to TM instruction, the authors mention the utility of other mindfulness techniques. Finally, weighty material such as neurochemical imbalances and transcendental meditation would be dreadfully boring for most readers if not for the tone that Stixrud and Johnson take throughout the book. Scientific and sociological findings are broken up with accounts of students helped by Bill and Ned, with frequent mentions of their own families. Both authors point to the fact that they led far from perfect progressions to adulthood (Bill cared more about music while Ned took a break from college), and recognizing that they had control ultimately helped them succeed. In short, for those looking to help their children thrive while living less stressful lives, there are few better starting points that “The Self-Driven Child.”

In a sentence: Creating a sense of control (agency) over their own lives is the most impactful lesson a parent can impart to help their children be prepared for life. Who should read it: Parents, coaches and teachers, especially those who are obsessed with success as they define it in their children, students, athletes. The logic of this book is pretty straightforward. If you don't believe you have control over your life you won't take actions to that effect and no skills or talents will have the stamina or rigor develop much less to survive in the real world stressors one will have to face. The opposite approach taken by many parents seems to be to try and shield children and make decisions for them because they 'know what's best' which may work temporarily but is doomed to fail them eventually. The most troubling take away from this book is of the real life stories the authors tell. Truly scary how many parents are themselves in a completely delusional world and forcing it upon their children. If the stories were about another form of child abuse (handicapping your children because of your own fears and weakness) you would be horrified about the repeating generational damage being done here. But because these parents are pushing something that is 'right' such as test scores they can tell a story about their own actions as being virtuous. Swap a few words to describe these actions as pursuing beauty and we'd have no problem calling it what it is. Abuse. Even in the face of professionals who's expertise they have sought out and are paying for these parents dig in. It's truly disturbing.

Worth buying

Genial

Le contenu est bon, d'ailleurs ce bouquin, je l'ai acheté pour l'offrir Je me retrouve avec un bouquin sans couverture et usé. Le prix 23€ ne correspond pas à sa qualité

Must read book for who are raising young kids

A great book for any parent who wants to support their child to be the best they can be.