I Love You, but I'm Not IN Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship

I bought this book at a very desperate time in my marriage. I had already heard ILYB from my husband, and we were on the brink of divorce. We are no longer standing at the edge of the cliff, and we are rebuilding our marriage. However, I can't say this book was the sole reason we avoided divorce.What I can say is this is an absolute treasure of a book. In fact, I keep it in my purse at all times and re-read parts quite frequently. Every time I do, I learn something new, even if I've already read that part before. This book does an excellent job of explaining the different stages of a relationship and the potential pitfalls and solutions for navigating these inevitable phases.Most books on similar topics tend to be light on substance, but not this one. Andrew Marshall does such a thorough job of going through all the different phases of a relationship and the inevitable pitfalls that accompany each stage. I would've liked for him to go a bit more in depth, but he covers such an important breadth of information. This is a great starting point book.I also appreciated the author included a "how to cope daily" chapter after you have heard ILYB. It's very difficult living minute by minute, day to day, week to week when your marriage is on the brink of divorce.I am so impressed with how comprehensive this book is. Hearing ILYB can send your world in a downward spiral. But this book breaks down the much more tangible/logical reasons behind someone's motivation to utter those words. Once you get over the shock, you can start to understand the simple reasons that led to the confession.Even if you successfully repair your marriage, this book will serve as an excellent resource to continue strengthening your marriage.

This book is spectacular. My SO of 10 years uttered this phrase to me and I was devastated. As others, I reached for this book based on the reviews. I was not disappointed. It helped to open my eyes to all the mistakes I made and how to correct my behaviors. I have yet to know if it will work on this current relationship (the bright side is, we're still working on it and my SO says we're doing much better); but it definitely will help me in future relationships: both romantic and other.I went and purchased his other books too and they were all equally great, but this one is his best.Another thing too, is on his website, he actually will provide feedback and advice! He's prompt to respond and is very helpful. He's not out there entirely for the money, he really does care. I wish he was in the United States.The book is easy to understand and goes through the different phases of relationships. I would recommend every couple (no matter how good they think they're relationship is) to read this to avoid the pitfalls that lead to this phrase.

My husband and I are recovering from his affair. Needless to say on my part there is definitely the feelings of ILYB... An affair is so damaging to the marriage relationship that reforming bonds that are emotional, and bonds of trust that have been devastated is no easy task.I would not recommend this to a couple who have very recently undergone the revelation of an affair. In the early days emotions on both sides can fluctuate greatly. Speaking for the wounded spouse I know that at times you can hit a high and feel like you're free finally having found out about an affair if it was a prolonged ordeal (or covered up by years of lies), and then plummet to a low of despair and hopelessness. When you're emotions are seemingly polar opposites from one moment to the next this is not a book you need to read. Let things simmer down, try to work on it with you spouse if you have both decided to stay, and let your feelings seemingly level out before you pick up this book.Whatever your situation is that has led you to this book I would encourage reading it WITH your spouse. That way you are both on the same page. If you have questions your spouse isn't blindsided by those questions and knows the context of what you're talking about. Also, a couple of the exercises are meant to do together with your spouse and I believe they would be much more effective if your spouse has read the section.Of note, there is, near the end of the book a section for those who are already gone, be it if you have left or if your spouse has left. This doesn't mean it's the end and gives good tips and advice for such circumstances. Likewise if you are considering leaving it gives you some things to consider.The book is quite secular. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but many Christians who are looking for resources and recommendations might be surprised. Being a Christian myself I could find very little that was necessarily objectionable. If anything, within a Christian framework to me it did not go far enough, if much at all, into the aspect of the spiritual. What I mean by this is the book addresses mainly heart and mind. For Christians who believe in the spiritual aspect of things, life, relationships, and marriage it may seem to fall somewhat short. It is still a good book that I would recommend reading and using to help a Christian relationship along if you just keep a Biblical perspective on things. For Christians a good book to read either before or after this book is SACRED MARRIAGE by Gary Thomas.

My wife said this to me a few months ago and naturally I fell into an instant panic. A quick Google search the next day led me to this book and I am glad it did. Dr. Miller's writing is clear and accessible and can help you regardless of which side of the phrase you are on. His practical advice and real world scenarios really spoke to me as I came to grips with this extremely difficult situation. This book helped me not to panic and make an assessment about what was happening and what I could do about it. I agree with many of the other reviews that this process may be extremely painful so be prepared.I don't know where my journey is going to lead me yet, but this book has helped me to avoid making a terrible situation even worse by explaining some of what's going on. No book can have all the answers, but I feel that Dr. Marshall has successfully pinpointed many of the commonalities that exist with couples where ILYB is expressed by at least one of the partners.

Talk to good friends, find someone else, get over her. Move on.

I've read many marriage therapy books by leaders in the field, and this one is by far the best laid out, combining concepts from research into many different types of modern relationship to paint a realistic view of modern romantic love and how it's achievable and maintainable over a full lifetime together.Bonus points for addressing a Canadian-specific relationship issue!Please ignore the one star troll review, they clearly didn't read the book.

A book I would recommend to couples going through a rough patch, or even with communication issues; before the title phrase is uttered.Came too late for me, but all is not lost for the future as this helps explain mechanisms that we fall into too easily as a couple

Matbe i had expected something more . nevertheless it is a good effort and it has helped me to think more clearly on certain issues and perhaps find a vai media.

A very useful, practical book written in a kind style. You can just hear the author talking. Very happy with the book.