Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

I am so grateful to see more and more conversations (and BOOKS!) taking place in the faith community regarding mental health, trauma, therapy, etc. Try Softer fills a much-needed gap, and it does not disappoint! As someone who has dealt with the trauma of losing a child, who has spent over a decade as military spouse in a world at war, who has uncovered childhood trauma, and who has been on my own healing journey -- this book felt like a long-lost friend. It was like an open-door invitation into healing and hope with author Aundi Kolber standing there with her arms open wide ready to receive you gently. Ultimately, the author extends to us what our Heavenly Father offers. Kolber interweaves some of her own personal stories and struggles as well as those of her clients (she’s a therapist), but this book really differentiates itself by the wealth of clinical information and expertise Kolber shares. For someone who loves stories and loves information, this book has both! This book really helped usher in God’s compassion and gentleness into my life and helped me relinquish areas of captivity by finding freedom and rest in “trying softer.” There are treasures in this book that have taken me over a decade to learn as well as new ones I’ve never before uncovered. Kolber’s knowledge, wisdom, relatability, and the inclusion of practical tools were immensely helpful. I have already returned to it a handful of times since finishing and will continue to use it as a resource in my own life. If you’re a fan of Brene Brown (but want something more Christ-centerd), if you’re ready to do some “soul work” as I like to call it, if you’re tired from the exhaustion of striving, if you have a loud inner critic, I highly recommend you grab this and start reading. While I read through it quickly, you may want to move slowly through it if you’re new to some of the concepts Kolber writes about. She does an excellent job articulating and explaining the information but some areas by nature may weigh heavy on you. I think you’ll also find the reflective questions helpful in absorbing and finding transformation as you read like I did. Thank you Aundi Kolber for sharing this work with the world! I know the world is going to be a better place as people learn to “try softer” after reading your book. Here’s one of my favorite quotes: “Every sorrow we’ve grieved, every fear we’ve felt, every trauma and all the pain we’ve lived through—it’s all valid, and it all matters. More significantly, the hard things that cracked us open have the potential to create space for deeper joy and resilience. As we try softer with ourselves by attending to and listening to our bodies and emotions, we become vast like the Grand Canyon, because our ability to hold the full experience of our humanity increases.”

This is a life changing book. Anyone on a journey of healing or any counselor/mental health professional should consider this as an excellent resource for a faith-based practice.

If I could recommend a how-to book for life, this would be it. This is a book about listening to our own body, setting boundaries, processing the hard things that happen to us, and developing self-compassion. Raised with implicit and explicit messages to 'try harder' my entire life, this work comes to me at a time when I was trying harder in every area of my life. Trying harder with my faith. Trying harder with my body to whip her into shape. Trying harder with my self-compassion, which literally does.not.even.make.sense. Full of practical exercises and timeless wisdom that brings in anything from therapeutic techniques to neuroscience to breath work, I found this book to be more helpful than a lifetime of Sunday of sermons and four degrees (including nursing school) in terms of how to actually LIVE an integrated, healthy, wholehearted life. If the techniques and exercises inside are the 'how' of what it means to try softer, then the radical ideas of self-hospitality (my understanding of one of the big ideas of the book) are the 'what and why' and combined they have created a seismic shift in my soul that I have needed for a very long time. At war with myself for many years, I have been on a journey to unlearn the habits that had me trying harder, but making no progress. (Think 'emotional treadmill' and you will get a picture of a girl putting in SO MUCH effort, but really getting nowhere.) This book is everything I wish I had after my divorce. It's everything I think I should have learned after a lifetime in church. It's science and faith, practicality and wonder all wrapped up in one. It's the work of heart of a woman who is fiercely soft, if those two words can belong together. I am undone in the best possible ways reading and re-reading it. I have purchased 7 copies of this book for Christmas gifts and can say in 37 years of life, I have never (ever) done that before, but that is how much I believe in the message of this book. For anyone who didn't know that try and softer were two words that could belong together, this book is your invitation to heal the most important relationship in your life: the one you have with yourself. Thank you, Aundi. I do not know you, but my life is changed because you wrote this book. Writing a review seems like such a small token of thanks, but I mean these words with all my heart.

Knowledgeably and compassionate, the author gives much theoretical and practical advice to be kind to ourselves when facing challenges and for addressing past pain. Really useful read.

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One of my favorite books. I have read it once, and already think I should re-read it again!

Loved it. Helped me as I learn to deal with anxiety. Integrates faith and science in a really neat way.

This book feels like a healing balm. I've had severe chronic pain for 20+ years now and I'm realizing how tough I've become in order to deal with it all. There has been no space for softness, compassion, or tenderness. This is the book I've always wanted and needed to read, but wasn't available. It is now. I feel seen and heard and my soul is breathing a sigh of relief. I'm looking forward to implementing all the "try softer" things I've learned into my life. Thank you, Aundi, for writing this book.