Holding Silvan: A Brief Life

I picked this book up at a friend's house and read the first 20 pages then asked if I could borrow it. Then her husband (who is NOT usually a reader)decided he had to read it so I ended up ordering it anyway. I read the rest of it in one sitting while telling my husband, children, and dog to please just leave me alone. I never would have thought such a subject matter could draw me in, but it is a real page-turner.Weslowska writes the day by day chronology of all the difficult ethical and emotional decisions she and her husband had to make after having a baby whose brain was damaged during delivery. It is a detailed account of what this kind of traumatic event actually feels like and it is incredibly revealing of where we are as a society in regards to medical technology and the ethics of living and dying. This book is very important right now; medical technology has come so far and we find ourselves facing end-of-life decisions no one is prepared to make.It is also beautifully written, elegant and clear prose that rings with authenticity and grace. Weslowska doesn't back away from any of the prickly issues at hand. I highly recommend this book; it is a must-read for anyone who is facing a difficult decision about a loved one's quality of life, also practitioners especially in hospice situations or people who work with children who have life-threatening illnesses.

This powerful, well-wrought book is a must for anyone thinking about death and parenting in the modern age. Wesolowska shares with us, in beautiful prose, the story of her and her husband's decision to spend the few precious weeks of their firstborn son's life holding and loving him as opposed to forcing him to stay alive via intrusive, artificial means. It is a hard book to read, but well worth the effort. Wesolowska doesn't sugarcoat the experience of disappointment, rage, and loss that is necessarily part of such an experience. We follow her story with baited breath, as she must have, hoping against hope that Silvan will somehow survive in spite of it all. He does not. And we experience her pain as a parent, struggling to reconcile her joy-filled expectations with the heartbreaking reality of her son's brief life. The ultimate message, however, is one of hope: Silvan - even in his short time among us - lives a full life. A strange and unexpectedly complete life. Yet the book is not merely an intimate narrative of Silvan's life. Wesolowska does not stop there (although she could have). Interwoven with this bittersweet tale, is a compelling meditation on American culture and the American medical establishment, both of which too often value quantity over quality. The fact that Wesolowska is able to move us not only emotionally, but also intellectually, is a tribute to her skill as an author and her love as a mother. This book should be required reading for all medical professionals.

I currently have at least four books I've begun to read but have set aside to continue reading at a later time. Yesterday I opened "Holding Silvan, a brief life" by Monica Wesolowska and could not put it down (except to sleep) until I read each and every word, finishing it today. The words so raw and honest reach deep within the soul and challenge us to step into the shoes of parents who are faced with the horrific news that their child will not live but to also have to decide how to best love that child and what that means. Monica does not hold back her deepest thoughts or shield the reader from the ugly truths of her journey and I applaud her for her bravery. This book, no doubt, has and will help other moms and dads understand they are not alone. Monica and David have done love in the most selfless way imaginable.

Sharing your experience has and will benefit many who have suffered the loss of a child. Your love for Silvan found a direct route to my heart; thank you for your profound descriptions as you endured tremendous suffering. You have inspired me to a higher level of one's capacity to love and endure............

This story reminds me that each of us labors for a time under the illusion that we may refuse the cup of grief which comes to us all. Even as the author is told the original news about her newborn son, she hears that he may be handicapped for life, "with motherly pride, I assume it will not." Their son has suffered a catastrophic brain injury and will likely not even be able to swallow on his own.Euthanasia is illegal, and they have chosen the option to withhold nutrition, using only love and palliative care to ease his transition out of his life. Because he will never know his life other than pain, they have chosen to allow him to die. With the approval of the thick board and their priest, this family acted the way they felt best to love.Monica tells us her story without pathos or drama, none is needed. If you are reading this review in consideration of reading this book, I am thinking this is a place you feel you need to visit. The path here is well lit and the turns are well marked. You need not judge the path, only walk it in another's unselfish shoes.

Wesolowska not only writes an emotionally gripping account of her severely brain damaged son's birth and short life, but she offers profound observations about the medical and ethical issues involved. I doubt that a more revealing account could be written about such an experience. No simple minded platitudes here, just honest, probing reflection amidst a powerful experience of love.

Intense, and surprisingly uplifting. It is a compelling story, and while I found some of the decisions difficult to bear, I never doubted that Silvan's parents were following their hearts. The honesty in this memoir is both painful and inspirational.

As a loss mom, I could relate to almost every page. Our son also suffered stage three HIE and as a result passed away shortly after birth. We were blessed with the time we had, but we know had we not acted quickly in removing life saving measures this could have been his story too...I don't think we could have survived it.Thank you for sharing your son with us and his brief life.