The Heart of Desire: Keys to the Pleasures of Love

Some excellent content, especially for a couple that has not had individual or marital therapy. But it's very wordy at times and the author does not resist the temptation to be pedantic--showing off her knowledge of research that she thinks is relevant to her propositions. That gets a little tedious. And a workbook for us both, it's not. She does help the reader to find a balance between relaxation and excitement, and to never separate sexuality from relationship building.My biggest issue with Dr. Resnick concerns her "values-neutral" approach to human sexuality. While it's obviously hip to take an "anything goes," relativistic position on sexual ethics, many married couples reading this will have a hard time not wondering: Did I miss out by not sleeping around and exploring my libidinous opportunities more before marriage? If up to 60 percent of spouses cheat, is incompatibility inevitable? Do I have to learn to masturbate to be a better lover? She seems to have no issue with any form of sexual fantasy, even involving illicit activity--unless one feels compelled to act it out. Isn't that the idea?A great number of couples I know will not appreciate all the discussions of homosexual arousal alongside of heterosexual content. But again, in her world, it's all the same.And porn? Why not; anything that stimulates sexual interest has to be good, right? Apparently, in her exhaustive survey of the literature, she isn't aware that oxytocin, the bonding hormone, has been shown to make orgasm more satisfying for committed lovers, while the lack of it in masturbation through porn helps to contribute to sexual addiction, a subject she strangely avoids completely.I wish I could excise some of the helpful material for use with the patients in my clinical psychology practice, but as it stands, I can't recommend this book. That's particularly unfortunate because the author, unlike so many today in this over-sexed society, really gets it: we should not separate sex from love.

Has your sex-life flat-lined?If you're in a long-term committed relationship, Heart of Desire could be the answer.Stella Resnick not only explains in clear language the ABC's of human sexuality, she offers specific exercises to bring your love-making to life.In a section called "The Principle of Relaxed Excitement," for example, she explains that "when people want to improve their sex lives, the very sense of urgency...militates against achieving the goal."Offering sound and simple advice to calm you down, Resnick outlines useful techniques to "balance your nervous system" as a prelude to satisfying sex. This includes "conscious breathing, mindfullness and focused attention."The book is filled with stories about couples who - in the therapist's office and in the privacy of their bedrooms - found new ways to express affection and passion.Keep in mind that this is a candid guide for partners - straight and gay - from an experienced therapist who knows her business and doesn't pull punches.So if you're looking for the "Keys to the Pleasures of Love," Heart of Desire is more than a good read. It just might save your relationship.

I loved how straight forward this was written . Gives good insight into why people behave the way they do in a relationshipGives direct dialog to improve communication between a coupleGives “exercises” to practice communicating desires, wants or needs in a respectful way.Good for any couple - gay , lesbian , straight

This a great book that packs a lot of information in a easily accessible format. Even if you have a great sex life, there is something here for everyone in a relationship that involves sexual intimacy.

Dr. Resnick's new book, The Heart of Desire, is a valuable resource for therapists as well as for anyone seeing to understand the influences and dynamics of sexuality and relationships. I have enthusiastically recommended this book to many clients and they have all found it very helpful. Dr. Resnick helps illuminate the reasons that many long terms relationships can encounter difficulties in reconciling love and lust. The book is written in a clear and interesting manner and illustrated with case examples of individuals and couples that have learned to overcome relational and sexual challenges in their relationships. This book brings together attachment theory, the latest neurobiology research and relationship and sexuality insights from Dr. Resnick's experience as a highly esteemed sex and relationship therapist.Submitted by Dr. Merry Frons

I think we all struggle with why a long term lover becomes our best friend instead of someone we want to run home to and make mad passionate love with. Dr. Resnick gives advice on how to work through that, reason for having those feelings, and answers to feeling sexy and craving your partner all over again and for years to come. She offers exercises that not only help you learn about yourself but can create even a stronger relationship with your partner. It's amazing to watch how powerful these have been for my partner and I. I would highly recommend this book and Dr. Resnick's advice for anyone! In love or not. I feel I have more knowledge to have a successful, hot, relationship for a long time.Thanks Stella!

Read each and every page. Both the author and the editors did a good job. Beautiful book, even the cover is. Sexy book! She befriends the reader. If you want to get new ideas and some refurbished, about our sexual lives, go ahead and read this book. Her first book The Pleasure Zone I didn't care so much for, but this second one definitely liked.