Memorial Drive: A Daughter's Memoir

Looking for books one day, I saw this title. Hmm...I used to live off of Memorial Drive in Atlanta. I wonder if there's a connection. As it turns out there was. This book, a memoir, was written by a former Poet Laureate of the U.S. and a winner of a Pulitzer Prize for poetry.The book is largely of Trethewey's life as a mixed race child growing up in Mississippi in the 'sixties. As such, that portion of the book is extremely valuable and should be read by persons of all races, persons of all political persuasions. I think black readers will nod, thinking, yes, this is the way we lived in the South, whether we had intermarried or not: wary, fearful of attacks by those who don't think much of our way of life. And, indeed, this is  Trethewey's early life. White liberals who smile and speak nicely to black people, thinking that's enough, will feel a bit antsy, I think, in reading this book. They will for a moment transpose themselves from the social safety of their place in the world and find themselves in a different world, where their smiles and well-meant but rather effete support for black people fade to, well, black.But there's a second part to Trethewey's book. Her parents divorce, and she and her mother, Gwendolyn move to Atlanta to begin a new life in a city far more friendly to persons of color. But it's not safe enough. Gwendolyn becomes involved with a black man, Joel, who is emotionally troubled and is a Vietnam veteran. The two marry, Gwendolyn pregnant with Trethewey's step-brother, Joey. It's never clear whether Joel's emotional troubles are Vietnam-based or whether he was emotionally damaged anyway.Admittedly Trethewey is writing this book many years after the incidents it depicts, when she was a child, but it's clear that her first encounter with Joel allows her to size him up correctly. And the author doesn't dwell on the reasons for her parents' divorce. Informational lapses of  this sort indicate the possibility of Gwendolyn's emotional damage as well. Of course, we all make mistakes in our lives, but as intelligent and insightful as Gwendolyn appears to be, you'd think she would never have become involved with Joel in the first place, certainly not had a child with him and certainly not suffered his emotional and physical abuse as long as she did.The final third of the book sensationalizes Gwendolyn's and Joel's failed relationship with rather graphic reports of Joel's abuse, largely given in reproduced police reports. Sadly, this is the way of modern day memoirs - to assign victimhood to one and perhaps evildoer status to another or others. This is but a drop of water in the sea of emotional divides here in the U.S., and perhaps the world. Perhaps it's beyond the emotional ability of Trethewey, or perhaps she was never afforded enough information by her mother and others,  to have delved honestly into her mother's makeup - and Joel's - to understand why the marriage, the relationship itself, was fated to end so tragically. But had she been able to, it would have been a supremely valuable book for all readers to read and understand their own interactions.Yes, this is a white male writing the above. But it's not unlike the situations poor and otherwise underprivileged whites suffer at both the hands of their own families and friends and of those who hold economic, social, and political power over them. Perhaps one day people of all races and cultural groups will find ways to empower themselves and control their own lives. That day can't come too soon.My rating: 16 of 20 stars

Trethewey offers survivors of trauma another thread in their lifeline that is desperate for meaning, tightly weaving facts, both real and imagined.

Natasha Trethewey brings the reader into the complexities of living in a biracial body and domestic violence. Born to a white man and a black woman in the 1960s, Tretheway experiences firsthand the way they are treated differently. Still raised with two affectionate parents, a supportive extended family, and a fearless grandmother, Trethewey learns to value education, grace, and family. Ultimately the parents grow apart and her father moves to pursue success as a writer and a professor. After the separation, her mother Gwendolyn and Trethewey move to Atlanta. There her mother meets Joel. Soon Trethewey feels alienated from the new family structure. Joel is abusive towards her and her mother. Yet her mother tries to appease him for decades before leaving him. Why doesn’t a victim of domestic violence is a question I’ve heard so many times in my life. From this point on, I’ll recommend Memorial Drive: A Daughter’s Memoir to anyone who asks.Tretheway is the 19th Poet Laureate of the United States and this shows in her writing. The book felt like a prose poem. The memoir is written so beautifully and with a quiet grace that moved me from page to page. Trethewey doesn’t focus on the violence but rather on the effect it has on her mother, and how her mother tries to deal with the relationship and escape the abuse. Each moment clings on the hope that they will be able to escape the torment. Trethewey exposes mundane moments where we can take a glimpse of her mother and the love they had for each other. Both mother and daughter try to protect each other within the abusive relationship. Still, Joel’s violent demeanor only gets worse and in the end, he murders Gwendolyn.The narrative was a bit distant which is aligned with the author’s own reluctance to return to the painful past. The only fault I can find in this poetic, heartfelt memoir is that there are moments when it is unclear that the author has left for college and the mother is living alone. Being that it is a thematic memoir, the author focuses only on her mother’s ordeal trying to escape from the abuser and may have made the choice to cut down on details outside of the scope of the narrative.Still, I was not able to put it down. A haunting and tragic real-life story of violence that gripped me, took me on a slow visceral journey through loss, grief, and excavation of memory.

A less than gripping, mixed race memoir. An easy read but didn’t love it.

This is a book about the most violent loss a daughter can experience; the murder of her mother. The book has a quietness which once you have turned the last page feels like grace. The writing is often beautiful, the story is compelling and you feel like you know the author, and you care about what happens to her very much.This is one of those books that you will finish quickly, and never, ever forget.You won’t forget the insight it offers into the life of someone who survived something terrible, and you won’t forget, either, the woman who opened her heart in these pages.I would thoroughly recommend it.

A heartfelt study of a coming to terms with tragedy and an illustration of the ways in which our psyches work to protect us from reality.

I thought it was well written and very descriptive. It was distressing because it was a true account of domestic violence involving the author’s mother, but a very interesting book to read as it described the events leading to the inevitable conclusion.

Its a wonderful read but make sure to take very good care of it as the paper is fragile. Wouldnt recommend for travelling around in a book bag, more so for a quiet read in the living room.