When We Were Infinite

5/5 ⭐TW: domestic abuse, racism, suicide attempt, panic attacks, anxiety, mental healthIt's rare for a book to be so emotionally difficult where I have to take breaks in between, but then so incredibly addictive that I want to keep going anyway.My heart just felt weighted the entire time I read this book, but I couldn't look away. At times I was viscerally irritated with the characters, but in a way where I couldn't be angry with them. Not just because they're teenagers—and every YA character should be irrational in some way—but bc I understood why these characters were acting the way they were.Even when Beth was blaming her mom for being the reason why her dad left, or angry at her friends for wanting different dreams for themselves, I couldn't be mad knowing how her relationship with her father made her feel unwanted. Even when Jason was distant and short-tempered, who could blame him knowing what he was going through at home?Everyone was so beautifully characterized to me and even when I didn't want to understand them, I did. The story and these characters are so beautifully human, and I think that's what I appreciated so much about When We Were Infinite.

Nothing is more important to Beth Claire than her friends - Grace Nakamura, Brandon Lin, Sunny Chen, and Jason Tsou. The five of them play in the orchestra, eat lunch together every day, and even plan to go to prom together. This loyalty is especially important to Beth because her father left her years ago and now rarely visits, even though he only lives a few cities away. Beth is so dependent on her friends that the thought of college fills her with dread because it means they may have to split up and go their separate ways.Before that can happen though, Beth witnesses an act of violence against Jason in his home that tests the group’s solidarity as they all have different ways of dealing with the crisis. Beth desperately tries to keep her friends together, fearing they will leave her just as her father did, but this only worsens her own mental and physical health until she is contemplating truly drastic actions.Kelly Loy Gilbert is one of our very best writers and her new book does not disappoint. She captures the significance of young relationships and the pain of losing them with exquisite prose that makes the reader’s heart ache. The end of high school is usually one that’s depicted as celebratory, but what Gilbert gets so right is that it’s also a time of incredible loss as teens are thrust from the world they know into a world full of adult decisions and consequences.

I didn't always like the choices the main characters made, but I appreciated the thoughtful way in which Gilbert presented their reasoning. I loved the sense of place Gilbert captured with references to streets and sites in Santa Clara County. Parents of teenagers growing up in Silicon Valley should read this book. They might see themselves in less than favorable ways. The teenagers should read this book as a somewhat cautionary tale. Don't just say "Everything is fine" and don't accept that as a response.