MY DARK VANESSA

Exploring the psychological dynamics of the relationship between a precocious yet naïve teenage girl and her magnetic and manipulative teacher, a brilliant, all-consuming read that marks the explosive debut of an extraordinary new writer.I hate myself for judging this book so quickly, I hate myself to think that this book justified pedophilia and I hate myself for thinking that this book won't teach me anything.This book is highly misinterpreted in Goodreads and several other book reviewing sites, I thought after reading some reviews that this would be a book which tells the readers that not every predator is a bad person. Vanessa was such a brilliant child from her childhood, she had a bright and fruitful future, she could have impacted this world with her works earlier if predator Strane hadn't used his manipulative skills to make her think that she loved him. This book was a bit difficult for me to handle through the first 4 5 chapters because of the explicit way every thing was written by Kate Elizabeth Russell, I hated that I was reading such a book but later I understood why it was important to tell everything so explicitly without any sugar coating and fact hiding. Vanessa is trapped into a cage built by Strane's manipulation, he made her believe that they both met at a wrong time and he loved her with all her heart. He made her believe that his life lies inside her palm and she should do her best to protect his life. This all deeds done by Strane completely altered Vanessa's life, from having a dream to be a brilliant child she turned into a girl whose job is only to protect her lover who's actually her manipulator. She starts blaming everyone except the predator who actually destroyed her life, she blames her parents, her friends, her therapist and also her felllow schoolmates who were assaulted by the same predator Strane. She destroyed herself in protecting Strane but in the end Strane was a lost cause, his end was already near because of his dark deeds. I loved the fact that by the end Vanessa got hold of her life once again, she stepped out of the shadow of Strane and knew she can become the best version of herself if she starts working on herself. Completely a must read.

The book is very good(check trigger warnings before reading) but they sent a different cover.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell 5🌟TW: abuse, rape, suicide.15 year old Vanessa Wye is starting her second year at the Browick boarding school, when she catches attention of her enigmatic English teacher Jacob Strane, 42. Vanessa had a fall out with her only friend Jenny last year and has a weird dynamics with her mother. In a world, where it was difficult to place her own identity and significance, Strane's attention came as a forbidden fruit, one that she could not ignore. At such a tender age, it all seemed like a perfect story.”𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐤. 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐢𝐧."2017, when women are coming forward with the stories of sexual abuse, Vanessa, now in her 30s is forced to retrace her past as Strane is accused of abusing a former student.My Dark Vanessa is a gut-wrenching yet compelling debut novel about a young girl who seems disjointed with her own reality. It takes us through a journey where gaslighting, victimhood, consent, and abuse are molded as per convenience. And as a reader, we are challenged to look beyond our understanding of a "perfect victim". Vanessa doesn't want to be called a victim, so she would rather believe that it was a perfect love story than anything else."𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?"We often see moments of realisation and the need to lay out the truth, but at the same time we see her struggling to put a voice to her real thoughts, which is often silenced by the voice that advocates for Strane. We see her fighting with herself, because to detach from this trauma will render her life meaningless. This in particular shows the repercussions of the trauma, how it overpowers a person's existence. With the metoo movement, a lot of survivors are forced to come out with their stories, but this gives us an insight on how traumatizing the whole process could be.Is it fair to force a person to relive a traumatic memory and not allow them to heal on their own terms?This is a story of all the Vanessa's out there, who need an extremely sensitive approach, to make them realise that they are not twisted and broken and dark, that this was not what they were asking for!"𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥."I can go on and on about this one. At last I would just say that this is a thought provoking captivating read, one that everyone should read!Kate Elizabeth Russell wrote this book over a period of 18 years. In one of the interviews she said that she read "Lolita" at the age of 14, which did lay a foundation for this book. She also talked about how Strane and Humbert Humbert are the product of the culture that sexualises young girls and that this all has been normalised over the period of time in our society by the means of movies, music videos and literature. There are several pop culture references in the book, which brings a new perspective. Also the way Strane directs Vanessa by giving her reading material, is not only misleading, but also is a sinister way of justifying his actions. You can also check Kate's website that features various reading references, playlist and videos.

This was really a well written book. I loved the fact that though the book dealt with major triggering/ dark subject the author was really sound in her craft. The fact that this is a debut novel, shows how much promise Kate Elizabeth Russell holds.The language was really lucid, and the book shifts between time periods very well. The subject matter though dark and done before, but it was given a fresh perspective due to the fact that it dealt with the aftermath of the event.It was a thoroughly thoughtful ride and can't wait to see what the author comes up with next.

This book was hard to read, not in terms of writing style, which was great, but in terms of topic. Many times it made me so uncomfortable, that I had to take gaps before reading. It took me about a month to finish this book.I didn’t like the main character while reading, she made me feel sick, but after completing and thinking thoroughly about it, I understood why she did what she did and her thought process. It took a lot of me to read this book.Whatever it took, I can say it was worth it. The narrative, divided into protagonist's past and present, was compelling, even for such heavy topic this book was a page turner.I will definitely recommend this book, but read it if you are in a good state of mind because it is one hell of a heavy book.

Tudo, recomendo!

Llegó en excelentes condiciones, nada maltratado y con su plástico. Bastante rápido de igual forma. Me muero por leerlo🤍

Had a lot of recommendations to read this book and really glad I picked it up. The subject matter is heavy but as a woman I found myself able to point out so many instances of when an older individual has said or done something inappropriate in my own life, and I’m sure the vast majority of women who read this will agree.Kate Russell’s writing is fantastic, not only could I not put the book down she wrote so realistically I could feel myself cringe or want to shout at characters during certain points in the story!It’s certainly not the easiest book to read and could be very triggering for many, but I recommend all people, not just us women to read this book.

I actually learned about My Dark Vanessa through the Harvey Weinstein trial. A juror may have read this book, and it was being used to have that juror removed. So, I was intrigued about it.My Dark Vanessa is fiction (though the author, Kate Elizabeth Russell, has since said there are some autobiographical elements in it) about a relationship between 15-year-old Vanessa and her 40 something teacher, Jacob Strane. At first, I was buying into how Vanessa described the relationship, and, that is, consensual. She says that the age limit for consensual sex is arbitrary, and I somewhat agreed with her, because most brains, with some variation, are actually not fully formed until age 25! So, if we are going by brain development, the age of consent should actually be much higher! Added to this, was the fact that in some scenes in the beginning, it is Vanessa who actually PURSUES Strane. And, as Vanessa herself explains later, Strane, in any case, is NOT a pedophile. Pedophiles are attracted to PREPUBESCENT children. Strane is that little-used term for attraction to adolescents: ephebophile.However, when I read the line on Page 104 and title of my Review, "I don't understand why he didn't stop when I started to cry", I had to acknowledge that Vanessa had very little agency with Strane, and that he was a predator. She would go on to tell herself differently. I think that the one thing that a girl-woman may feel is left to her is how much control she has over how destroyed she feels, and Vanessa told herself the narrative that would make her feel the least vulnerable.Strane, as an ephebophile, put himself in a target-rich environment as a teacher of adolescents. "They know how to scan a herd and select the weak" (p. 356). There seems to be a lot of reviews invested in him being a "pedophile", which he was not, but does it matter when he is a manipulative rapist? And, does it matter if Vanessa herself CALLS him a rapist, when her physical and emotional responses are clearly those of a violated girl-woman?As Vanessa herself says, words can feel like they have diminished her experiences...too cookie-cutter, too trite, and I would contend even boring. And, yes, I'm talking about words like "rape", but what is of value here is her bodily integrity, and her never-lying body evidences the responses of a violated female. She says on page 137 "Even when I try to recall it now, I can't quite remember". This is also a typical emotional response to sexual trauma, the not remembering. But the body remembers, and it shows up as physical, automatic responses later.Strane is her first sexual experience, and she is groomed and sexually conditioned by him in a "relationship" that continues for years. She says, on page 140, that the grooming all "happened before I even realized what was really going on". This is one of the keys to sexual predation. Predators often try to rush a sexual situation, and since Vanessa is sexually inexperienced, he has more power in these situations to manipulate her, and manipulate her quickly, into getting what he wants from her.Strane even has sex with her drunken body while Vanessa zones out. And, incidentally, this is after she has turned 18!But, so what...she is now past 18 (legal consenting age) and still being violated by the same man! Strane, the Same Man. Does her legal consent age make the sex less of a violation? During the sex with drunken Vanessa for which he wakes her up to do to her, she thinks on page 252 "I want you to stop" and "I'm thirsty, I'm sick, I'm nothing". Once the undesirable "I'm nothing" feeling enters a woman together with that other undesired entry, the sex is unwanted and rapey, no matter what you call it, no matter what age you are, and even though it can still continue until he "finishes"--hopefully, quickly, which Strane does. Whereupon Vanessa "leans over and vomits onto the floor" (p.252).On p. 271, Vanessa laments that she would have likely been abused by a boy her age had she NOT even met Strane, stating "some boy would've used me, taken me for granted, ripped my heart out". Wow. And I agreed with her! This is very likely to have happened, because of the widespread diminishment of manhood. After all, Strane was once an adolescent himself, and how would have treated THOSE adolescent girls?...As things to use.

I was warned that this book would be intense, but I was still not mentally prepared for the emotional roller coaster this book would take me on. At many moments this book felt uncomfortable to read and often brought me to tears, but its raw brutal honestly is also what made it so powerful. Kate Elizabeth Russell writes a gripping narrative that highlights how trauma, especially childhood trauma, is a complex experience that has the power to alter someone’s life. By switching between past and present, you begin to understand the narrator’s perspective while also hurting for all that she went through and continues to go through. This book left me in tears and with a lot to think about. I can’t say I enjoyed reading this book, as that feels like the wrong word, but it was a captivating and well-written story that I would recommend giving a read.