The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families

I literally have polyamorists living next door to me. At first, I thought they were freaky deviants, but nice ones. Over the last 3 years as I’ve gotten to know them better (and our kids have become good friends too) and am pretty amazed at their level of healthy functioning... As opposed to the dysfunction that was occurring with my husband and I, and what I’ve been exposed to in the general population. When it became clear that my husband and I needed a drastic change because we were miserable... I viewed my interesting polyamory neighbors as role models (in trying something different). I joke to them that they are my “permissionaries”.... their willingness to step outside the typical societal script gave ME permission to try something different. Over the last 1.5 years, my husband and I have quite successfully navigated what-could-have-been a devastating divorce and instead have turned it into a “polyaffective relationship” as the author of this book, Elizabeth Scheff, terms it. The polyaffective sections of this book were like she crawled into my head and knew all my thoughts. Thanks to this way of doing things, my 2 children are entirely unscathed as my husband and I have transitioned our relationship to something different.... AND we have preserved respect and love (just not the sexual/romantic kind) for each other, which is a blessing beyond blessings. I’m eternally grateful for the lessons my polyamorists neighbors taught me... and I think Elizabeth Scheff covers it masterfully in this book.

Having read many of Dr. Sheff's online articles, I was expecting the style to be light and conversational. This is not such a critter; it's a scholarly work, compiled over a number of years, full of references to methodology and qualifications and quantifications.That's not a bad thing. But chatty and humorous bits like this:"Tacit Campo reiterated this point with tongue planted firmly in cheek when he said, 'Poly newcomers tend to make the same mistakes, and I’d like to think that at this point in life, I’m ready to explore the exciting world of advanced, sophisticated relationship mistakes that waits beyond that field.'"are few and far between, if delightful, when they pop up. It's still well worth a read, if you identify as polyamorous, or love someone who is.

I have been in a poly relationship for the last 7 years and originally got the book looking for insight into how other families handle problems. Chapter 4 was really hard for me to read, emotionally, as it was everything I had been going through. But the rest of the book was very helpful, and the insight into the child's view of poly families really helped.

The width, breadth, and depth of human sexuality is formidable. This book looks, admittedly clinically, at multiple partner relationships in an ethical and consensual framework. Time will tell if this approach will be successful in our ever changing world. Excellent read.

I wanted to find out more about polyamory and this book provided the ticket. The diverse series of anecdotes really helped to clarify a complex topic and convince me that polyamory is not one size fits all. The success factors behind polyamorous relationships were also very insightful and provided guidance on how one would approach such a relationship without getting burnt.

This is an excellent book. This book isn't just for people who practice polyamory or are interested in polyamory, this book is just interesting for the sake of understanding alternative lifestyles. This book covers what seems like everything. From pros to cons, conflict resolution, even how it can effect the children involved in the household. I highly recommend this book to anyone who finds interest in alternative lifestyles. This is one of the most fascinating books I've read in quite some time.

It's a great book, but a little too scholarly in places. It almost read like somebody's masters thesis. I really liked the descriptions of polyamorous family life.

The author spent years study polyamorous folks, and she has practiced polyamory herself. This makes the work broadly applicable yet deeply personal. I highly recommend this book to anyone in a polyamorous relationship, or anyone who wants to understand what makes these relationships tick. It is well-written and compelling, and full of practical information.

Loved the book!