Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

Everything we assumed we knew was wrong” (p.26), we are not rational, compromise is terrible, and “No” is the answer to getting what you want in and out of the office. These are all concepts that the reader can be expected to wholeheartedly believe and understand by the end of this book. Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss hit the mark with this book, sharing effective tips and tools for negotiating in and beyond your workspace. “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as Your Life Depends on It” is a 5-star read for those trying to enhance their “deal making skills” whether that be with work or personal relationships. Prior to 2008, Chris Voss was the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI. According to The Black Swan Group, through his 28 year with the Bureau, he was trained in negotiation by the FBI, Scotland Yard and Harvard Law School. Chris has taught business negotiation in the MBA program in several of the world’s best universities and business programs. Voss continues to host seminars and attend guest lectures and is rumored to be working on additional books. “Never Split the Difference”, a euphemism for “never compromise” because compromise on the street often leads to the loss of lives, Was published in May of 2016 and is an extremely powerful book that tells the stories of negotiation when you really can’t afford to lose, like in a situation where you are negotiating for the lives of others. Each chapter includes engaging theories on communication and actionable recommendations on how to improve your communication skills, while telling intriguing stories of the life of an FBI agent. These stories include bank robberies, terrorists and a bunch of different “bad guys”. This book will not only help your business deals, but your personal relationships as well. Voss gives us more than just the advice on what to do, he shows us why they work as well.This book is a fun read full of useful information. The new concepts in every chapter had me highlighting the techniques and lessons that I truly wanted to remember. The most important to me, being that you should never be so eager to solve a conflict that’s result is inconvenient for you. Accepting bad deals is almost always a mistake. Compromise isn’t always the answer, while pushing for a hard “yes” doesn’t get you any closer to a victory, it only angers the other party. And finally, “Driving towards “that's right” is a winning strategy in all negotiations. But hearing “you're right” is a disaster.” (p. 105) Overall this is a wonderful book that teaches the reader that negotiation, at its core, is nothing more than conversations with reactions and results. Getting what you need from others will help set up the rest of your life. Chriss Voss will teach you how to take authority and show dominance in the conversations that will make or break your career. Because of the strong lessons in this book, I believe it would be a great book for most young people to read. Whether they are beginning their college career or creating their own blue-collar business, “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss is a great resource for people looking to better their life without looking for a designated “self-help” book. Remember: “... without self-control and emotional regulation…” (p 156) these strategies will not work.

I came across "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss while browsing Amazon, where it was featured as a top seller in the Business & Money section. Out of the 13 books I've read in 2024, this one stands out as the best—easily a 10 out of 10.The book provides practical advice applicable to various areas of life, whether you're a parent, partner, manager, or entrepreneur. It's a must-read for anyone, particularly those involved in business development, people management, freelancing, or parenting—essentially, anyone looking to enhance their negotiation skills.After reading the book, my favorite ChatGPT prompt has become:"I want…. given [plenty of background].Advise me in line with the book: Never Split the Difference."Even with a hectic schedule over the past month, I found myself looking forward to my nightly reading sessions, regardless of how tired I was. This speaks volumes about the book's captivating and insightful content. The structure of the book is good, with each chapter concluding with a summary that highlights the key points.Some of my favorite quotes from the book include:- “Prepare, prepare, prepare. When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation.”- “Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better.”In summary, "Never Split the Difference" is an insightful and invaluable resource that I highly recommend to everyone.

Structured, well written, easy to understand, great examples.Especially great are the summaries after each chapter.

Let’s get this clear: You don’t get the life you deserve, you get the life you negotiate.That said, who better to guide you in the best techniques for negotiation than someone who was involved in genuinely high-stakes negotiating – world-class ex-FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss. Having seen too many B-Grade movies, your perception of dealing with hostage-takers, as was mine, may be assembling an armour-clad SWAT team, getting a clear head shot at the hostage taker, and rescuing the terrified victims.After seeing too many incidents end in disaster for the victims, the FBI turned to using very sophisticated negotiation techniques. Most business negotiators are raised on the “Getting to Yes” approach of Fisher and Ury. One of their keys to negotiating is the assumption that the other side is going to “act rationally and selfishly in trying to maximize their position.” Your task is to get as much as you can. The only people who come close to doing this are those negotiating with other people’s money and who will make an outsized commission irrespective of the outcome.The book’s title, ‘Never Split the Difference’, highlights the deficiencies in this approach. What is splitting the difference in a hostage negotiation? I’ll give you $5m instead of your asking price of $10m and you kill only 8 hostages and free 12?“Negotiation, as you’ll learn it here, is nothing more than communication with results,” Voss explains. The economist Amos Tversky and the psychologist Daniel Kahneman, the founders of the field of behavioural economics, won a Nobel Prize for demonstrating that man is in fact, (and even in business,) a very irrational beast.The beauty of the method Voss teaches is how easy it is to grasp the basics, even if it may take years to perfect these techniques. The method Voss describes was developed because it is easy to teach, easy to learn, and easy to execute. It was designed for police officers who weren’t interested in becoming academics or therapists. They simply needed a highly effective way of changing the behaviour of the hostage-taker, and to shift the emotional environment of the crisis just enough so that they can secure the safety of everyone involved.If indeed you don’t get what you deserve, only what you ask for, you have to ask correctly. So, claim your prerogative to ask for what you think is right.The centrepiece of this book, is ‘Tactical Empathy’ and it works. This doesn’t involve agreeing with the other person’s values and beliefs or giving out hugs, that’s sympathy.Tactical Empathy is contingent on active listening – listening hard and doing so in a relationship-affirming way. Active Listening involves techniques such as Labelling, Mirroring, Accusation Audit, silences and more. I will address only a few.Labelling is repeating your counterpart’s perspective back to them. You will be able to disarm your counterpart’s complaints by repeating them aloud. Labels almost always begin with the same words: It seems like … It looks like… It sounds like … and not “I’m hearing that …” The word “I” gets people’s guard up.There is enough research that indicates that the best way to address negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then label the negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts. “You seem disappointed that the price you were expecting to achieve is being rejected…” Then listen encouragingly so a solution can be found.There are three voices that are useful in a negotiation, one Voss calls the “late-night, FM DJ voice”: it is non-threating, soft, and calming. Talk that starts with “I’m sorry …” and a soft smile, makes people more open to creative solutions because their brains are not freezing in fear or anger.“Mirroring” is feeding back to your counterpart what they have just said. Not the body language. Not the accent. Not the tone or delivery. Just the words. Sometimes repeating only the last three words or the critical one to three words of what someone has just said, will produce the desired effect. Your counterpart will inevitably elaborate, and even reveal more information that will further fuel the negotiation. Mirrors work magic.By affirming what you are hearing, you are showing you understand (not support or concur with) your counterpart’s worldview.“It seems like you want us to let you go.” Or “It seems like you don’t want to go ahead with the sale under these conditions.” When they can say to you “That’s right…” you have connected in a meaningful way that will allow for the exploration of other options. If they had said, “You’re right…” more often than not, they are fobbing you off.“I always try to reinforce the message that being right isn’t the key to a successful negotiation—having the right mindset is,” Voss explains. Negotiation is not a battle between opposing forces.By doing an accusation audit in advance, you can often surface what is their concern upfront and eliminate it. When teaching negotiation, Voss invites students to roleplay. Knowing what is going to bother them, he introduces the process with: “In case you’re worried about volunteering to roleplay with me in front of the class, I want to tell you in advance … it’s going to be horrible… (But) those of you who do volunteer will probably get more out of this than anyone else.” The response is always positive.By listing every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you, you can address it, with playful seriousness, and elicit the useful ‘That’s right…’ reponse.“In the decades since my initiation into the world of high-stakes negotiations, I’ve been struck again and again by how valuable these seemingly simple approaches can be. The ability to get inside the head—and eventually under the skin—of your counterpart depends on these techniques and a willingness to change your approach, based on new evidence, along the way.”This is a remarkably engaging book, that reads like a novel, complete with reports of Voss’s gripping experiences chosen to highlight what he teaches. This is a must read for anyone whose work involves negotiation. For those who are not so engaged, read it anyway even if your most serious negotiation is your noisy neighbour or getting a seat on a “fully booked” flight.Readability Light --+-- SeriousInsights High +---- LowPractical High +---- Low*Ian Mann of Gateways consults internationally on leadership and strategy and is the author of the recently released Executive Update.

This book walks you through the art of negotiation, not just getting to Yes. It shares insights and stories that help visualize and teach the ins and outs, pitfalls and challenges of negotiating. A read to success.

O conteúdo do livro é muito bom!Não que seja um problema pra mim. Mas a capa do livro vem totalmente simples, apenas em vermelho.

Es el mejor libro que he leído para guiarme y ayudarme en mi emprendimiento. Propone técnicas complejas pero de una manera práctica, lo difícil es recalibrar tu mente a abrazar el conflicto en lugar de huir, esa es la base de la negociación. Y si ese no es tu carácter, como yo, hay mucho trabajo que hacer. Definitivamente se vuelve mi libro de cabecera de ahora en adelante.

Este libro lo vi recomendado por varios gurús del mundo inmobiliario y del negocio de marca personal en España y realmente merece la pena. Enseña conceptos muy básicos pero muy útiles, así como otros más avanzados por lo que se le puede sacar mucho partido. Y lo que es mejor, se complementa a la perfección con otros libros de negocios. ¡Muy buena compra!

Interesting