The Secret Laws of Attraction: The Effortless Way to Get the Relationship You Want Paperback – July 3, 2008

My aunt had read another book of Talane's (Coach Yourself To Success), so when Talane came out with this book (The Secret Laws of Attraction: The Effortless Way to Get the Relationship You Want) and was having a book signing in our town (Washington, DC), Aunt Cathy offered to take me.At the time, I was eye-rollingly uncertain about books with titles that involved the word SECRET or yet another book on relationships, but (despite the two heart-shaped candles on the cover) this particular book and its contents is remarkably different and honest. It is exactly my kind of book. I have recommended it (and Talane's other books) to so many others that I have lost count.Rather than a book on "finding that perfect romantic relationship", which is just another way to focus on how you are lacking (a typical marketing tactic that I dislike), Talane's book talks about how we can find out about ourselves and our relationships with ourselves and everyone, with the idea of making life easier and more natural. To be our best.How unique. How refreshing!Certainly, there are parts dedicated to those who are especially interested in the "romantic relationship" but it is so nicely meshed in with all of our other relationships (with others and ourselves) that, truly, this advice gives a very holistic perspective.I read this book all the way through, but then I've read it again and again, as each time, I was encountering different things in my life.With the Emotional Needs Quiz, Talane gives you a tool to find out your top 4 Emotional Needs and suggestions on how to resolve them so that you can live your life at your best. With knowledge of your Emotional Needs, you really have a sharp idea of how you operate.Talane offers terrific advice on Establishing Boundaries and even provides you with a Four-Step Boundary setting script, so that you have the words with which to be clear about your boundaries. I've used this with great success.Then she talks about finding your Core Values. This helps you focus on what it is that really makes your eyes light up. You may already know all of these, and if you do, then that's terrific. If you don't, it's a very encouraging chapter. I did know what I liked and what my core values were, but I enjoyed the exercises because it gave me words to describe them. It just meant that when given a choice to make, sometime down the line, I used to these words as a checklist to make sure some, if not all, of them are involved.As I've said, I've recommended this book to many of my friends, not just for the specific exercises to help, but as a way to help spark ideas, if they ever seemed to feel stuck in what they were doing.I highly recommend this book. I highly recommend Talane and her world. Her wisdom has helped me in ways I cannot measure.** This was written at the same time that a promotion is taking place. I recuse myself from any winnings of this promotion, as I would have written this recommendation, anyway. **

I really enjoyed this book. It's not as new-agey as the title implies, and I think the information is very applicable to many areas of your life, not just your relationships.There is a long quiz (over 100 questions!) that helps you define your core fulfillment needs. The premise of the book is that after you define and begin to take steps to meet your top 4 core fulfillment needs, you will begin to attract other people into your life who will also want to meet those needs for you.For example, my core needs are for 1. Peace/Balance, 2. Achievement/Appreciated & Valued, 3. Safety/Security/Clarity and 4. Loved/Cherished. The recommendations under each of the 21 core traits include ways to "meet the need through others", "meet the need yourself" and "meet your partner's need." Since many of these needs are unconscious, they can lead you to make destructive choices in your life if one or more of them are unmet.Therefore, the recommendations for meeting your core needs yourself will be extremely helpful for most people.To achieve peace and balance, I can get a weekly massage, which also does double-duty for me as a way to meet my need to feel loved/cherished. I think I can live with that!For Safety and Security, I own a very small house in a working class neighborhood that is paid off - no mortgage, which for me is optimal (and way better than having a mortgage on a larger home in a "nicer" neighborhood). I have deadbolt locks on all my doors, which makes me feel safe. I should probably look into getting a security system as well. A dog would be nice (if I could afford to feed one!). The author recommends getting a stable job with a stable company, which sounded really boring to me, but I now see that I really do need that stability in my life. I worked for a startup for a long time, which was fun and adventurous, but didn't support my core need for stability, and I sort of feel like my time would have been better spent in a slightly more boring, but stable, job. Going forward, I'm retraining for a career as a librarian, and I think that will be a good fit.For Achievement and to feel Appreciated/Valued, I will need to keep "updating" my resume with my achievements, and get my degrees framed to hang on the wall, so I can feel a sense of accomplishment when I look at them. I was considering getting rid of old birthday and Christmas cards, as "paper clutter" but now I see they are of more value to me as things I can look at to support my need to feel "appreciated", so I'm going to organize them and put them in a shoebox I can access easily whenever I need to.The author gives many more suggestions than just these, and some will make more sense for your situation than others, just go with the ones that really resonate for you.In addition, I think just knowing your core fulfillment needs will help anyone changing careers or trying to improve their lives in general. In chapter 6 the author describes specific ways to meet the 21 core needs, and gives examples from her clients. This information is like gold!If you are dissatisfied with the relationships you are attracting, you want to attract more compatible relationships, and/or you just aren't very happy with some aspects of your life and you're not sure what changes you can make to be happier, this book is for you.I expect I will read and reread this book many times, and implement many of the changes Ms. Miedaner suggests.To the author: Thank you for this book!

I think the title of the book is misleading. It makes it sound like it's about "how to find the perfect mate" crap in so many books out there.It actually is about determining your needs, how to get them met (by others or yourself), how to set boundaries, and all of it changes your relationships with people. Work, personal, and romantic.This book has truly helped me change my life and how I relate to everyone in it. In turn, I am more confident and not so "needy". In fact, I recommend it enough I gave it to my friends and I'm buying a new copy for myself!

great book and great easy to follow advice on self worth, and finding a worthy soul mate you desire! her advice is also about getting respected and valued by others, living your passion and great advice and details on how to find your ideal mate, I kept reading this book over and over and practicing on her advice and it worked! I have set my boundaries with others, how not to be used or taken advantage by others at work and in other areas of your life what a great valuable book!

I love this book. I return to this book again and again for encouragement and keeping myself on track.I've read scads of self-help, self-improvement books over the years, and this one I had to buy a copyfor myself. There are so many helpful goodies in here! I would buy this book just for the part on findingyour boundaries and then ENFORCING them with a simple 4-step process even shy, awkward people can use!