The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger Paperback – June 24, 2010

Why did I start reading this book?Because I got frustrated at idiot drivers on the roads. Because I got angry when I saw litter and dog poop in the park I go to. Because I’d have stressful days at work and bring it home with me.I didn’t like being angry and I felt immense guilt whenever I became overwhelmed by it—in the aftermath of consequences of course.What did I get out of the first chapters of the book?AWARENESS.Amazon review reader, I found out I was very addicted to anger. I didn’t like big hits, I liked to micro-dose it.I figured since I rarely yelled and didn’t punch walls I had my anger “under control”. But really, it was always there eating away at me.Basically, I realized MANY small, stupid, petty things throughout my day would frustrate me, every day, adding up to a lot of time spent being angry inside my head.This book put anger at the forefront of my mind. I started paying attention to every instance and, if I caught it quick enough, began questioning the anger itself.It helped me realize the insane number of things I CHOSE to let frustrate me.But here’s your fair warning:This is not a passive book. It has exercises it asks you to do, often, especially near the beginning. And they really help.I’ll be honest, there were many times I’d be invested in the teaching of the book and when I saw it was leading to an exercise I’d groan and just close the book. Sometimes it would be days or weeks until I could be bothered to do the exercise.But I always ensured to not keep reading until I had done it and given it my full effort and attention.Because self-development and transformation is WORK. It isn’t fun, it’s often a lot of thinking, writing, and talking for not a lot of answers. Just often small crumbs signalling some kind of progress.But the great thing is that by sticking with it at some point I reflected on the last few months and realized it had been a while since I’d gotten truly angry. i.e. Angry in the ugly way that made me seek out a book like this in the first place.“Good for you but what about the book?”Right ok yeah.So basically the authors write in a way which, for my mentality, was REALLY useful. They explain things rationally and with a sound logic. They’ll say one thing and I’d immediately think “Pfft ok but I can easily think of a counterpoint to that.” And then lo behold a few pages later I read “You may be thinking [insert counterpoint I absolutely was thinking] and to address that…”They don't ever leave a statement or advice out there hanging. They back it up, provide analogies, metaphors, parables and whatever else to really help illustrate the point from many angles. They write from a very clear and direct point of view.That’s not to say you’ll like/agree with everything, but at least it’s been thoughtfully written with authenticity and integrity.I really do recommend this book.But only if you’re looking to understand anger for what it is, for guidance to find your own answers, and are willing to do the work to make changes for yourself.

But I did have an irritation, annoyance, pissed off, impatience problem. It was not until I read this book that I understood those are all forms of anger. I have always prided myself on not having a "bad temper," or "anger issues." I truly never understood that my constant annoyance, impatience etc. were all anger based. This book was an eye-opener for me In the truest sense of the word. The goal is not to express your anger or to talk yourself out of it, or to smother it any way. The goal is not feel anger at all because when you do the underlying belief is that "this is not how I want things to be," in spite of the fact that the reality is exactly what it is,whether it is the way you want it to be or not. The fact that you get angry in the checkout line because the clerk is slower than you think she should be, does nothing to change her speed or the situation. In other words, it's all about you and the way you think reality should be but isn't. It's amazing how quickly you can stop anger in its tracks anger when you really look at and understand that you don't have to get angry (annoyed, impatient, pissed off etc.) at all. Wow, that's big, really big.The book is based on Zen principles, but it is not religious in any way, nor do you have to be a Buddhist to benefit from it. In this age where everyone seems to be angry and expressing it non-stop, these are important lessons. The writing style is breezy, easy to read and understand even though the topic is deeply spiritual.It really is a game changer. I have read it several times and each time learn and understand more.I highly recommend this book, even if you don't think you have any anger issues

This is a quick read book. I enjoyed it and will probably read it again.

Have you ever read a book which affected you so profoundly that you wanted to tell even complete strangers about it?This is how I am feeling right now in regards to "The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger" by Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston. It is a phenomenal book. When you see it and read the summary you may think it isn't a necessary read in your life. This is because the emphasis is on dealing with anger. However, I have found there is far more involved in this book than just anger management.This book is about total awareness of self.You are at the opening of a new shopping center on the edge of town. You have been looking for a parking space for ten minutes. At last, right in front of you, the back-up lights come on. You turn on your turn signal and wait. From the other direction a jeep pulls into the space. Not only that, but when you honk, the driver gets out, smirks, and gives you the finger. Are you angry? You bet you are. Perhaps angry enough to want to ram his car. Now change the scene ever so slightly. Instead of a brash jeep driver, a cow comes from the other direction and settles into the space. When you honk, she looks up and moos. Are you angry? Probably not. Most people are amused.I think what is most important to understand right off the bat while reading or listening to this book is what you personally mean when you say you are angry. For most people, myself included, anger is just the tip of the iceberg. In fact, I say I am angry and sometimes I mean I am hurt or I am disappointed; it's just that I am expressing it as anger because that seems to happen easier."To live is to embrace each moment of life as if it were the first, the last and all moments of life." on [...]: The Cow in the Parking Lot #followfriday | Scrink | Bring Me Up