When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda

This book had me wondering if Zari had dated "my narc"! Spot on description of life with a Narc! I recommend reading this book; especially, if you're still trying to decide if you are in a relationship with a Narcissist. You will definitely know by the end of this book!

This book was exactly what I needed. After NC from my ex-husand with the exception of things regarding only our son allowed me to start healing. He attempted to make contact about reconciling our marriage (which I really wanted). Each time I put boundaries in how the reconciliation would go down I would no longer hear from him. In fact, until I filed for divorce while separated he wanted nothing to do with our son. Then, all the sudden the wanted to be the dad of the year and wanted full custody of our son. The son in which he had NOTHING to do with while we were together or after we were apart. He was only willing to keep him one night a week and return him early the next morning so he could do exactly what he wanted the rest of the time. When, it was convenient would threaten to keep him knowing without a custody agreement here was nothing I could do about it. He told me if I tried coming to get him he would call the cops on me. That is when I knew I needed legal boundaries and filed for divorce. He told me he never wanted family or to have to worry about someone else's feelings. After a few more months of only contact about our son told me he had fallen in love with another girl and wanted to give her EVERYTHING he never could give me. That she has made him into a better person. He wants to father her child.....blah blah blah. I was beyond devastated ONCE AGAIN. I didn't sleep or eat for three days. It was the worst of all discards. Of course, before leading up to this discard, he was kind, caring, and tried to have a relationship with me where we could co-parent our son together. It was just another way to draw me back in so he could devalue and discard me. I immediately wanted him back if he had really changed. Within a week, I realized he really had not changed. He was the same awful person to me that he was to me prior to this big life change he claimed this woman had given him. In fact, my son would come home (age 4) and tell me daddy is with Melissa because mommy was mean to him.This man has NOT changed! What keeps me in a tail spin is this------------what if he has?!?! This has gone on for 9 years. This book has allowed for me to have some sort of closure. It is still very very hard.

Having read this book to bring me out of one of the darkest times of my life, I can tell you its going to help you reaffirm things you may already feel inside yourself but don't want to admit. Having had much experience with a truly NPD ex , you are no stranger to feeling confused, manipulated or taken advantage of. You will have many moments during this book relating to how things seem very relatable to an experience with a Narcissist. One thing I love about this book however is that it does not let you take a back seat to saying you are a helpless victim. It does tell you , In some way you are allowing or enabling this person to do the things they are doing to you, and in that, removing power from them. I like to narrow it down into a simple equation that may save you a lot of sadness, mental turmoil and crazy thinking with the following. You need to think of a narcissist in your life as a cat, what do I mean ? A cat is a cat, its never ever , no matter what you do, or say, or give it, its always going to be a cat and act like a cat. Thinking you have the ability to "save" or "help" your Narcissist not be the way they are is in the end, a fools errand. Its always what keeps allowing the N to have total control over you, and what makes you give them that control and power. Ns have developed over years of their own psychological issues, and traumas that made them create a persona (Their narcasssitc personality) as a shield that they use to interact with the world. Only they can become something else or "Not act like a cat". You aren't magical, you aren't able to fix them, and due to their disorder, they will keep using you, like they do many others, until you are no longer useful. I have lived this first hand and can tell you that, the longer you remove yourself from a person like this, that hold they have over you is a distant memory, the pain stops and you realize that you are not this worthless object that is easily discarded and brought back whenever they want.

Which explains how manipulators act on the long run, and can follow their plan until you get completely destroyed. A must read.

So traurig wie es ist, wird einem der immer gleiche Ablauf in einer Partnerschaft mit einem Narzissten klar gemacht . Die Autorin selbst, sowie andere Betroffene berichten von ihren Erfahrungen... Mir hat das Buch sehr geholfen, Dinge zu verstehen, und mich von der Illusion zu verabschieden, das sich noch irgend etwas zum Positiven verändern kann in der Beziehung zu einem Narzissten ...

This book help me a lot in understanding the love agenda of a Narcissistic person. To all the normal people, what Narcissistic did are not sufficient to be called "love", but they survive on our empathy. We only live once, all of us deserve to have a normal happy life.Now I break free of this cycle, I wish many more victims can wake up as soon as possible, and stop wasting your time.

Die unvorstellbare Tortur des Zusammenseins mit einem Narzissten wird hier zwar nicht wissenschaftlich dafür aber sehr persönlich und unterhaltsam beschrieben. Ich hatte schon viel zum Thema gelesen, finde das Buch aber total klasse. Jeder, der betroffen ist, wird sich wiedererkennen und sich getröstet fühlen (wenigstens für einen Moment).

Raw and real and funny