Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: For Their Early Years--Raising Children Who are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful Paperback – March 27, 2007

I own pretty much all the positive discipline books from Jane Nelsen, but have read many other philosophies. She has a very solid head on her shoulders and gives well grounded and healthy advice. It feels much more natural and sensible than love and logic (which I believe is more geared towards older kids 8-16yo).This philosophy has simple rules but they take a lot of practice and conscious effort to implement. Instead of saying "no" all the time, try to tell them what they should be doing. Using positive timeouts where you and your child take a timeout together in a peaceful and different area to reflect together on right and wrong and reaffirm love for each other. Encourage independence, encourage problem solving, encourage resolution of conflicts. Embrace emotions both good and bad and identify them verbally so they can learn emotional intelligence early, thus allowing negative emotions to be understood, expressed, and managed in healthy ways instead of with more crude ways like bottling them up or releasing them violently. Listening to your kids and respecting them so they listen to you. Modeling behavior instead of dictating it.All this is positive. All this is healthy. Successful implementation is a total pain the butt I must admit. It is a lot slower than negative reinforcement strategies. If you beat your kid and make them feel real pain or real fear. They will never forget and learn immediately. But they also no longer think for themselves. It becomes not about doing what is right, but more just avoiding pain and fearful things. If no one is watching will they still do what is right? Positive reinforcement strategies aren't successful immediately and sometimes you have to repeat it multiple times with many failures until they finally get it. But when they get it, they learn it for life and embrace the lesson as their own.I find Jane a bit idealistic at times saying reward systems may result in behavior change not for the right reasons long term. Limits need to be set and punishments need to be considered. I try my best to avoid vengeful punishments like going back on my promise or withholding fun and meaningful activities. I prefer toy timeouts for a brief period, I also prefer delays in fun/meaningful activities. Yet threatening a punishment always turns my stomach as I feel kids don't learn why something is right, they just learn doing right will avoid something bad. I prefer to refer to role models like their favorite characters, myself, teachers, other good examples and ask how they would handle a similar situation.In the end I don't think anyone can truly mimic entirely Jane's dream of positive discipline but each of us can try our best to approximate it. This kind of philosophy focuses on long term gains instead of short term gains. It may not always work in the short term, but be patient and realize it makes for a much healthier kid long term. I cannot recommend enough that all parents and soon-to-be parents should read this book (especially the first few chapters which explains the basics of positive discipline).Also note that babycenter.com is in my mind the best website for child development and guidance. They deliver advice in short tidbits weekly and always seem very spot on with problems and issues you may be facing at the age of your child. It also is very clear to me they embrace almost entirely Jane's positive discipline view and use it in solving the many problems you face with your kids.Read this. It is worth your time.

I have read other PD books and enjoyed them, but this is my favorite. This book has so much information in it about children and their needs and what their behaviors mean, that it helped me to understand my children better and that helped me be an even better mom, as I do think I was doing a great job prior to reading this book. :)A lot of parents think that they need to figure out what they need to do when children won't do what the parents would like, or do what the parents do not want, at times, that this is the actual issue. Simply put, I believe that it is what goes on the rest of the 24 hours in a day, that makes those behaviors happen. And it is what goes on in the rest of the 24 hours that needs to be a certain way (which you can learn about from reading the book), a way that is ultimately best for the children, most importantly, and also has a side effect of helping those "undesired" behaviors decrease. I believe that this book helps parents learn how to be better parents, for the entire 24 hours a day, which is better for everyone, including the children, which also happens to help them "behave."We were not having problems before I read this book. I just wanted to do an even better job & I feel like I do that, now that I've read this book.I wish I would have read this book before I had kids, then I could have been an even better parent from day one! :) (I think this book has so much in it that is appropriate for parents with kids of all ages.)A lot of what this book is about, we already believed and followed, but it still is by far my favorite parenting book, because there was still a lot in it that was new and wonderful...and I am tempted to say this is my favorite book ever, of any type. It is just that important.I wish this was required reading for all parents and teachers, whether they are having problems or everything is great.Before I had kids, I thought that kids are whatever way they are because of the way their parents are with them. Now I am sure of it.

This was a great book that gave me many great ideas on how to discipline my children ages 2 and 3. My kids have has fewer tantrums and we all seem over all happier. I being imperfect, as well as my children bring imperfect did not respond the way the book says we should 100% of the time. After initialy implementing this method my 3 year olds tantrums got worse, to the point I was about to stop trying. Then , when I was on the brink of giving up this method things got better. This probably deserves 5 stars, because the method was effective, but I'm giving it 4 stars. As well as it works I was feeling like an aweful parent while reading it and when first starting to implement it without my 3 year old responding positivly. I think this a great book for parents, the fact that you are interested in reading it makes me assume that you are great parent already! Don't let the initial slump suck you in, this is really a great tool to work with.