Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist

I don't know why I found this book so unexpectedly disturbing, as I know quite a bit about narcissism from first-hand experience. Perhaps that's *why* I found it so disturbing. Sarah Tate as a young, naive woman gets totally caught up in a suave older man's seduction games and marries him within a year of his previous wife's suicide. The saddest thing to me is that she doesn't even find him attractive, but the lure of money and material things he promises (which often symbolize love to women, let's face it) is so seductive. I'm not saying that she is a shallow person, but it is very sad that women are so vulnerable to this kind of insidious lying, which is all about making them feel special in the short term. Because by the end of the book it's revealed that "Bill" is a total monster of deceit and specializes in running up enormous, staggering debts. What's really fascinating is the way Sarah gives us a candid look at their married life. Once the honeymoon wears off, it's all about stress for the woman, and the desperate need to put a good face on things.Although Sarah represses her rage and despair most of the time, when she does find out exactly what Bill is up to behind her back, there's a very satisfying scene where she starts to take back her power.The awful truth of what really happened to Bill's second wife makes the book even more powerful.Ultimately, the saddest thing about narcissism is that well-meaning witnesses are ineffective; the narcissist's spell is so strong. After reading this book I began to see narcissism as a sort of Ponzi scheme, where the narcissist feeds off one victim and uses the money and resources remaining from that destroyed relationship to attach to another victim. The lies begin again. It seems society is set up so that bragging, lying men are protected, in a way. (It's true Bill keeps getting fired, but he also keeps getting work!) Kind of makes you wonder about the human race. But Tate has written a gripping book, which I read in one sitting. Although one reviewer complained it was all about one woman's marriage and not enough about narcissistic relationships in general, I disagree. This is an unwavering portrayal of what a destructive narcissist does in a relationship, from beginning to end. I think it could open a lot of eyes.

I really enjoyed this book - read it in a couple sittings. I think the sub-title should be "My Life with an Almost-Psychopath," given that the behavior (lying, manipulation, irresponsibility, etc) of her ex-husband was so extreme. There are narcissists that have the capacity for empathy for some people at some times (despite the fact that empathy & compassion go out the window when it comes to things they feel they need). This Tate guy was unreal and seems disordered beyond the realm of mere narcissism.In fact given how slimy and despicable this former husband is I have to seriously wonder why Sarah keeps his last name. It's one thing for the kids to have it, maybe, but surely she doesn't need to remain shackled to it.Several years ago I too crossed paths with a charming manipulative narcissist...Sarah's book has helped me see that overall I was lucky: No marriage, kids, suicides, or anything of this sort. And I got the opportunity to begin learning first-hand how to recognize this disorder in the process (clinical psychology fieldwork, if you will).One small observation I had is that the book could use some additional editing. There are a small typos sprinkled throughout the book, (e.g. "it" is sometimes spelled "in"), and here and again there were some phrases that I think might have been better translated (e.g. "I fell pregnant" - we "fall sick" in English, but we don't "fall pregnant"!). This is minor though.I am very happy that Sarah is undergoing the process of recovery now and I wish her the best.

Anyone reading this book who has not had 'dealings'with a narcissist would probably find this book a walk in madness.But for those who have had their lives hollowed out by a parasite posing to be intially your friend and 'soul mate', Web of Lies is an accurate case study of the typical experience.There were times when this case study could be a transcript of my own experience so I found the book one I was compelled to read. The flagship honey moon start, lies from the 'get go', lots of drama and unhappiness once your life is aligned within this crazy existance. The book would be worth a read of anyone who wonders if they are going mad or possibly their partner has some weird issues that border on just rediculous.This book has joined the many I explored to find some understanding of my own experience. As so accurately written so many times, it is the victims that seek therapy and try to rebuild. The narcissist just moves their nest and destructive pathological lies and attaches to the next unsuspecting person.Well done to the author Sarah, not an easy experience I imagine, but writing it out, alerting others, becoming more self aware, all assists us to rebuild.I would recommend this to anyone dealing with narcissists, the problem being, once you recognise it, it is usually too late.

Web of Lies: My Life with a Narcissit is an amazing book of a journey that took Sarah, who was swept off her feet by a man who she thought was a good bloke, but in the weeks, months, and years... she sees the dark side of this supposed 'good' bloke, and realises that he was living in a fantasy world, his own world, where he thinks he's the greatest 'hero' the world has ever seen.Wow. From the moment they married, Sarah watches the evolution of a 'good' man who slowly strips away his 'mask' revealing the depths of depraved lies and games he'd go to any length in order to achieve his aims, aims that do not help his family at all, not his wife nor his children.By understanding the narcissit, we can avoids the traps by these potential narcissist morons and we'll be happy. No worries! Thanks to Sarah, her book is spreading the awareness that there is no such thing as happiness with narcissists in any way, shape or form.This is a very good book to study and know what to avoid in any future relationships. Avoid narcissists at all costs! I know, i avoids them like the plagues! No worries!

Wanted to give this 5 stars but website playing up. Great book. Having been through identical 8 year marriage with a true pathological sociopaths there is very little understanding of how women get ensnared by these strange vile people. It really isn't your fault and once you are married with children it is hard to escape especially with what they do to your financially and mentally. I fought my ex in court regarding his debts as laws different in UK so he kept his 200k of debt in his name. I own my own home now 2 years on. I agree you do have to look at your part, how you got trapped conned and why you stayed. I am happily in love with a great man now. I was unlucky in that he hangs around to try and control me through our son who is 10. That said he has little affect on me now. No contact or absolutely minimum is only way. They believe in there fantasy stories a day will fight to the end. If you are divorcing one get a solicitor who understand sociopaths or you will waste a fortune on legal fees. Brilliant read. Really inspirational.

As a recovering victim of a narcissistic relationship spanning 57 years, I found this account most helpful in the fact that it reassures it's readers that this is a monsterous personality disorder. The ripple effect throughout the family and lives of those who have become injured by such deceit from a narcissist.For me this was not a husband or partner, but my mother. However the parallels I was able to draw from this account reinforced what I have instinctively known, that this was Not my fault, after all.At the age of 57 I have managed to break free, but not until the trail of destructive behaviour had been exposed to my father, my brothers and other family members. My mother ( in her eighties) still creates havoc in the lives of anyone who is foolish enough to allow her to attach herself to them.Like the author I feel sadness for the energy which could have so been put to use in a more worthy cause, but these people have no shame and will never change.This book was a gripping account and must have been both painful and healing to write. Thank goodness Sarah has managed to recover enough to share her account as a warning to others. The long shadow this type of person creates is just so harmful.Thank you Sarah for sharing your experience.

I have a lot of sympathy for Sarah, but if you are looking for a book which analyses her experiences against Narcissism, you will be disappointed. The book asserts that her ex was a Narcissist, but it does not tell us why: I would have expected it to have identified, in the context of the very detailed descriptions of their life, how his personality traits / disorder was revealing itself, eg magical-thinking; lack of empathy; displacement; blaming others; narcissistic rejection (Sarah); favouring only those who give narcissistic supply (his eldest daughter, arguably). So this book misses a trick. Read other books about Narcissism first, before you read this. You can then do it for yourself.That said, I don't think Sarah wrote it for that purpose. She wrote it as part of her recovery process, and I entirely understand that. For the record, this book shows how utterly toxic relationships with Narcissists can be, and how difficult it is when you find yourself in one. It is not as easy as just "waking up a smelling the coffee". They are highly devious and manipulative people who are masters of deception - to themselves, primarily, but also to those around them.

The story was compelling and my heart went out to Sarah. It is true the spectrum of narcissism is vast and varied but at least she did not have to experience the extreme psychological, physical and spiritual underminig that many use to manipulate their victims. Bill was so delusional and so self obsessed, it is almost unfathonable. It took great personal strength for Sarah to escape this "Web of Lies" and I am glad she did.

I've read a few books now about narcissism now after unfortunately being involved with someone with those sort of traits for a couple of years. I had trouble putting this down as other reviewers have said, so much of it was familiar to me and was chilling to read at times. What's good about this book is that it just deals with it from a personal viewpoint rather than a psychological one and I think really helps compliment any other books that you read on the subject. Recommended.Only dropped a star because I think it needs a further proof read as there are a few spelling mistakes etc... none of which detracts from the overall message though.