Relaxation Capsule

Relaxman. Relax NO. I needed a relax after a week with my teenage son from hell. My hair has been falling out, my eyesight has been failing, my own sanity has been questioned. As has my intelligence. 15 year olds know EVERYTHING! My doctor told me to take a break. Well, I pulled everything out of my 401k. and bought this puppy because OH boy if Relax is in the title TWO times, it's GOTTA be good!When it arrived in the mail, the post man hired a crane operator and had it dropped it on my front doorstep. NO they would NOT drop it in through an upstairs window! I argued with the postman for a long time! 2 hours. The police came looking for him and the city fined me for delaying and forcibly detaining a federal worker and federal mail. THAT didn't relax me man! So then I turned to go into my house and the DOOR was blocked. I had to go around to the back of my house and crawl in through the bathroom window. It's the only window that works and is left open because the fan doesn't. I bruised my legs and arms in the process and grabbed the crow bar from the kitchen that I always keep handy for things that need crow bars. ( Like smashing in windows of ex boyfriend's cars.) and I went to that front door and began to pry open the crate it came in. Well, I broke a fingernail, kicked the crate and broke my toe too. Finally pried the stupid boards loose and there it's sitting on the stoop in front of my front door.I tried to open the hatch, but the thing is blocked from completely opening because it's too close to the house. FINE! I squeezed my body, pushing fat over to the side so that I could get in that thing and after 42 minutes (yes FORTY TWO!) I finally got in that thing and I had to PEE! I got out a LOT faster than I got in. RAN to the back of the house again, Crawled up through the bathroom window again, and ALMOST didn't make it! I was NOT RELAXED man!I figured I'd wait until morning and I'd call down to the local tow truck and have them pull it out into the yard. Looks pretty weather proof to me. But, no. About 2 a.m. I was sound asleep and there was a REALLY loud knocking at my door. Some dufus neighbor with a UFO detector (they order from Amazon too) was screaming and wailing on the front lawn and he'd called 911 about the aliens landing and my abduction. I spent atwo and a half hours at the station explaining what the thing was and had to go back to my house to get the receipt and bring it BACK to the station before officer J (one of my exes who is about to get another window busted...) finally let me go home. He was going to charge me with intentionally terrorizing the neighbor who amazingly has a paranoia about aliens and abductions.I got home too tired to even bother going back to bed and there my son was standing in the kitchen yelling and going on about the STUPID BANANA Slicer that he couldn't seem to make work. And NO he wouldn't let me show him how! Well HOT DIGGITY...crowbars come in handy for THAT TOO. One smashed banana coming up SON!The only relaxation I finally got was when I finally took my crowbar and smashed that thing to smithereens. Best therapy ever! By the way, a crowbar is a whopping $9.10 right here on Amazon. I didn't get my $50,000 back. And after a whole day yelling on the phone, I'm more tense than ever. There is NO relaxation to be found here!

I was really looking forward to this product. When it finally arrived I eagerly opened the box. A product this perfect and amazing I'd not thought I would ever find, a real actual pod you can actually get into... just too good to be true. Well, unfortunately, like practically everything else in life that seems to good to be true, it WAS.I was about to get in when something stopped me. I called my dog over. I picked him up and put him in. I'm not sure what I was expecting as I closed the door, but he gave a happy panting sound as I placed him in. That last expression on his face still consoles me as I think of him now. Anyway, when I opened the door, he was GONE!! I called customer service but only got some kind of machine that only speaks Japanese.I have no idea where my dog is, or why he disappeared, but of course I am too scared to get in now. The product sits unused in my garage. This is the WORST 90,000 I've ever spent. And I miss my dog.

Is it just me or does "capsule" typically mean "take orally with some liquid?" I couldn't even get this whole thing in my mouth! It's actually larger than my body. Literally. There's NO WAY this can be swallowed whole and I learned the hard way that it's not a suppository *ouch*, so I had to crush it and mix it in with my applesauce and now three months later, I still haven't finished it all! Suddenly those child-proof caps on the Tylenol don't seem as infuriating as they used to.

I clearly did not have the money for this. Who literally has a down payment on a house money to throw into this? But I don't like dealing with ' problems' so I took out another credit card and this was here in about two weeks. This caused a huge fight naturally between my husband and I. But every time he says things like ' We cant get a house because you ruined our credit!' or ' I cant do this anymore' I just slip into this cocoon of enabling and self reassurance cause its sound proof and can block out the things I don't want to hear. I will stay there for about a day or so. Until my husband tires himself of telling me bad things I do not want to hear and all is a nice tension- filled uncomfortable silence in our house again. It gives me all the tools necessary to block the outside world. So when I hear things like. ' If you get a job we would not be in near financial ruin.'or ' I do not think marriage counseling can even help us at this point.' I know I have a safety cocoon I can retreat too. So thanks relaxman for helping me not deal with the awful thing called reality.

Excellent product. I purchased it after a particular rough bout of claustrophobia-induced panic attacks. I was in very poor mental health and when I became unable to properly use the bathroom, my wife forced me into the capsule to face my fears. The first twenty-four hours were hell, I can assure you that at first I was as far from a "relaxman" as possible. My repeated screams were met only with the same thirty minute loop of soothing music, in a process not unlike Chinese water torture.Drip.Drip.Drip.Drip.The music shook me to my core. I began to question my faith, my life decisions (particularly my marriage), and the type of person that I had become. After experiencing severe visual and auditory hallucinations for more than a year while locked in this capsule, I experienced what can only be described as a complete and total mental breakdown, resulting in ego death and a personal realization of great truth. Some might call it an epiphany. I came out of the pod bearded, smelly, and covered in my own excrement. I also came out a changed man. After years of therapy, several months of hospitalization, and finally an experimental lobotomy, I am proud to say that focusing on the emotional trauma I suffered during my year in the capsule has allowed me to forget about my claustrophobia.