Journals

"Oh yeah and our final name is NIRVANA"I know there are some who feel like reading this is somehow violating Kurt, and I know that "rape" quote has been floating around in some reviews. However, with respect to that, Kurt was referring to not only his journals, but a slew of other items that were stolen from him and the band. Also, Kurt said a lot of things that were contradictory. He at one time made a comment saying he would like to maybe someday publish his old journals. He said being so famous so fast was conflicting, then he would say it's not so bad. Literally, on the first page of this book is a note from Kurt to someone (maybe his first girlfriend that he lived with?) that says "Don't read my diary when I'm gone. Ok I'm going to work now, when you wake up this morning please read my diary. Look through my things, figure me out." And was written at the same time, its obviously not 2 separate entries. That's who Kurt was. Yes, we still can't necessarily say that Kurt would want people reading these, but I still didn't feel all too guilty reading these. I sat with this book for a while, so I can digest the beautiful, scrawled words one of my all time heroes. You will know Kurt better than you ever thought.Sometimes, it can be tricky determining what time period some of the entries and notes were in, because Kurt didn't date his entries. However, there isn't really meant to be a narrative here, is there? These were Kurt's private thoughts. There are entries from the late 80s, with Kurt lamenting about his miserable experience at school and his salvation at the hands of punk rock. Even at a younger age, Kurt was so self aware and intuitive and an excellent people-reader. We also get an insight into his extreme anger at others. There are many fairly violent fantasies he conjures up. He was a very talented artist, and many of his drawings are included. We see the early days and Kurt's ambition and determination to get Nirvana jumpstarted. Also included are drafts of song lyrics. I got the chills reading the still unfinished lyrics to songs like Lithium and All Apologies and Teen Spirit and Drain You and'Aneurysm', and 'Dumb'--especially reading Kurt's scrawl of "I'm not like them, but I can pretend". Then, later on, we see Kurt's frustration with music journalists (put very succinctly by Kurt), and brainstorming of video ideas, including Heart Shaped Box, in which Kurt's notes pretty much exactly map out how the video would turn out. "In Utero"s original title was "I Hate Myself and I Want to Die", and Kurt writes quite a bit about it. I'd have liked to have seen what made Kurt ultimately change the title, unless it's documented somewhere else, but no big deal. Kurt was so eloquent in so many ways, and his journals confirm that from a young age he stood up against unjust oppression of any kind, especially against women and homosexuals. He was a sensitive, intelligent man.I know some have criticized the book, because Courtney sold them, so Courtney "controlled" the story, so to speak. And many have it in their head that Courtney probably withheld some entries that maybe were less than flattering about her. Kurt wrote about everything in his life, so it would stand to reason that there would be plenty about Courtney and Frances, yet there really isn't much. However, I don't really find this suspicious. There are a few mentions of Courtney. But Think about it, would you want your husband's or wife's most intimate thoughts and most intimate frustrations about your marriage published? It's no one's business. I don't exactly understand why people they have a right to read that. It's her prerogative to release that or not. People are just immediately suspicious of anything she does, or doesnt do. Even if he wrote some negative things about her, why would she want that out there? Nobody would. No one wants to look bad. I think there are so many (myself included) that hold Kurt pretty sacred. And, most Kurt fans have animosity toward Courtney, and they want to see something, in writing, concrete, from Kurt that is derogatory or negative about Courtney. That way, it would validate their own hatred for her. There is, however, a love letter to Courtney included in here that is probably the most beautiful letter I've ever read, and written in a way that only Kurt could write. There is also a heartbreaking, I'm assuming unsent, letter that Kurt wrote to his dad. Kurt documenting his descent into addiction is also heartbreaking and a must read for anyone thinking of taking drugs. Since the entries are undated, don't expect to find out exactly what Kurt wrote in the days before he died. There is simply no way to know. It's amazing that Kurt saw himself as a worthless, emaciated, uneducated loser yet he's one of the best lyricists our generation, any generation, was blessed with. He was wise beyond his years, and even his journals entries are some of the best stuff I've ever readALso, it's literally the scanned pictures of Kurt's journals. There is no typed transcription. Which makes it even better--the picture quality is so incredible that it looks like you are reading the actual journals of Kurt's. You can see the pen marks jump off the page. It looked so realistic that if one didn't know better, you would be able to erase the pencil writings yourself. And it's better this way, the dynamic of the book would be completely different and not as compelling if it was just transcribed.Bottom line, Kurt is one of my heroes. If he is one of yours, too, then buy this. You won't regret it. You will have a much more well rounded perspective of Kurt. Yes, not everything that went on in his life is spelled out, but you will still gain a huge insight. It made my heart ache, and realize just how big of a loss it was when he died. I know that I wouldn't be quite the person I am today if I hadn't gotten the cassette of nevermind when I was 8. Rock music died with Kurt Cobain unfortunately. And I get pissed and angry that he committed suicide. We know he adored Frances with all his heart, and you would think she would be enough to keep him going. Kurt himself talked at length about his parents' divorce and the horrible effect it had on him, how he so desperately wanted the 2 parent household. He of all people should have known better, what he was doing to his daughter. He wrote "her (frances') life will be so much better without me" in his suicide note. Come on, kurt. How could that be true? But, I guess that's the difference between people who aren't suicidal and those who are too far gone.

Good read

To anyone who is not a Nirvana fan - I don't know why you are even bothering to look at this. Read no further.For those who ARE Nirvana fans, tread forward with caution.This book was an insightful look into one of the most beautiful minds that I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing as it unfolded. People talk about where they were, or what they were doing when great catastrophes happened in the world. Laugh if you want, but I still remember where and what I was doing when I heard that Kurt Cobain was dead.I thought this book was a very interesting look into Kurt Cobain's mind. It's not an autobiography. Kurt kept journals, drawings, clips of paper with notes and thoughts sprawled across them, rough drafts, and unsent letters. This book is a wide variety of these things photocopied from the originals. Some writing is almost illegible. On other pages you can see the emotion in the jerky script.Most of the passages describe his frustration with the music industry, fanzines, and journalists that misunderstood him. In some areas it shows a lot of his beliefs about the world around him and what he believed to be a perfect society. When it comes down to it, you had to have been a fan to bother buying it, and you have to appreciate it for what it is.I will leave you with my own mad ramblings in a letter to Kurt that will never be sent.Kurt,They're not dyeing out like the dinosaurs. They have mutated into something much worse than you ever could have imagined. They've built a breed of music that no matter how many times you turn away, it keeps growing. They try to make it look like it's for our own good, but.....It's just the beginning. The media has control. Now they tell us what we are supposed to like. Pop stars, the kid next door, and televised competitions for contracts? And it all revolves around selling the sexually provocative image of an under aged teen. Their voices are electronically altered, or it takes five people to sing one song, and not a single one of them knows how to play an instrument. It makes no sense to me that tweens are billboard successes, and they are singing about things that they won't come close to experiencing for another ten years.None of them write the lyrics. There is a small group of people in an ill lit room somewhere scribbling out the next big hit. I assure you the words; "baby", "party", or "hot" are well peppered through it. There are no deep meaningful songs anymore, no words to make you think hard, it's all superficial bull. Hell no, you're not allowed to express any other emotion than happiness or love. If you do...then it's considered too political. POLITICAL? It's politics to express frustration? The frustration of being spoon fed the same garbage over and over. I'm sorry, I would like some variety. Or how about you just quit playing the same crappy song so much I want to puke?I've given up on finding anything original in the air waves Kurt. I say turn off the radio station, unplug your MTV (that no longer plays music), and start searching. I refuse to let them feed me what they want me to like. I do not listen to the radio and I don't shop in stores for CDs. I've taken to searching the internet for bands that I've never heard of. I want to like bands that people think don't exist. They ask me, "Who's this?" I tell them the name of the band, and they always follow up with, "I've never heard of them." People never ask about the band again. If it can't be fed to them off the shelf they don't even bother.It's sad really. It's not music any more. It has just become a rhythmic beat that they all bob their heads to.