The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises Paperback – March 8, 2016

In The Myth of the Spoiled Child, Alfie Kohn examines the motives, values and beliefs underlying the conventional wisdom—espoused on both the political left and right—about raising children. Unlike many parenting books that attack straw men, the ideas Kohn argues against are central tenets on child rearing that any parent will recognize. He presents arguments and evidence in favor of the conventional wisdom, including direct quotes from some of the many experts who proffer it, such as certain prominent psychologists. He then analyzes what would have to be true for such conventional parenting wisdom to be logical and accurate, and weighs what research says about its validity. He also shows why, for all too many adults, its validity is beside the point.Kohn’s the rare author who breaks down real-life arguments into their components and doesn't just cite but, rather, pores over the original research pertaining to each of them. He dissects several important studies whose so-called results get thrown around quite often in parenting books and articles—e.g., the marshmallow experiments, research on narcissism in young people, studies on children’s self-esteem and the importance of grit—and surprises us with what the research actually shows (and, at times, the disparity between how the authors of the studies interpreted their results versus how others typically report them).It’s all too rare that an author walks readers through such conceptual and research heavy lifting that they come away with new understandings about topics with which they thought themselves already familiar. Kohn has done a tremendous service for us parents and our children by writing such a book. That he does so in a way that is both enjoyable to read and at times evokes a chuckle with its incisive wit is all the more valuable an accomplishment! I’d say that even exhausted parents whose intellectual life at home extends no further than reading for 20 minutes before bedtime will benefit from, and have no problem absorbing, this book’s clearly presented ideas and evidence.Whether you’re liberal or conservative, traditional or progressive, well-read about parenting and developmental psychology or generally too busy parenting in real life to read many books about it, The Myth of the Spoiled Child will get you thinking whether the parenting beliefs and practices you apply every day are leading where you really want to go. Even if you already consider yourself relatively well-informed, self-reflective and evolved as a parent, this book is almost sure to challenge you in the best ways. As Kohn shows so powerfully, some of the basic tenets we all take as parenting common sense are unlikely to truly meet our long-term goals or lead to a better world for our children, both now and as adults.I can count the number of parenting books I’ve considered life-changing on one hand. The Myth of the Spoiled is one of them, up there with the classic How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. I cannot think of a higher compliment than that.

Many extremely well-meaning school districts try to address achievement gaps and other disparities but continue to use the same oldvpedagogical mod led. But maybe our pedagogy of poverty is to blame. The drill and kill method, not the teaching of critical thinking is creating students whose primary achievement is acquiescence. Our world needs more creative and critical thinkers and we should not be so quick to punish thinking for oneself.One of the most interesting parts is when he describes on page 72 that parents must promote self-sufficiency in children but also maintain connection. If we go about parenting and educating children based on journalistic op-ed pieces, we will just detach, detach, detach without much thought but at the peril of our children. Our children need to differentiate themselves to become autonomous but only knowing there is a safe, supportive family to stay connected and cared for.What I really like is the huge list of references at the end of the book; This one is heavily researched. When one is trying to undo deeply seated myths like -- kids are generally terrible and need constant correction or else they will grow up to be sociopaths -- the first thing to do is point out all the accepted claims that really have no basis in fact or real research. Education like mental health counseling, like law enforcement training, the soft sciences are very difficult to research and yet we depend on the purported research he describes to organize our schools and train our community leaders and helpers. Currently our education system in America is not completely successful. Based on the science that we do have, that get tough policies don't work in many areas, we need to re-examine the structure and organization of our institutions and replace outmoded systems of thoughts, beliefs and myths.

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Another excellent work from Alfie Khon. It's similar to Punished by rewards in writing style and once you read that this is a fast read. The list of stereotype problems and the questions raised about why and who benifits from these traditional ways are very powerful. We always have to think why people and media are accepting these.

I always love to hear Alfie weigh in on topics because he is so loving and such a thorough thinker. What is this bs we have all been touting about our beautiful young people? What is this crazy shared delusion about children? Let’s get real and just love each other ffs

'Traditional values' and 'common sense' in parenting has brought us to this precarious state of affairs. Let's try a different way to bring up our children - one that brings potentialities to fruition for the greater good... Or we could just continue to try to raise unquestioning drones who are good at passing memory tests... Reading this book has been I real eye-opener, prompting me to question core beliefs that I didn't even realise that I held. Highly recommend to anyone raising or working with children and young people.

One again Mr. Kohn his the nail on the head. I will read this book a number of times....... And then again.