I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality Kindle Edition

This book says some unbelievably misogynist and racist things. I've included a couple photos of the most egregious passages. For one, the book blames the increasing prevalence of BPD diagnoses on the "destruction of the nuclear family", divorce, increased time spent in childcare, and changing gender roles -- all things that just happen to be extremely important to women's economic and financial independence. And, incidentally, all things for which there is NO EVIDENCE that they contribute to mental illness in children.There is also a passage where the author blames an EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHILD for the sexual abuse she suffered from her stepfather, literally saying that she "allowed" it to continue. This is outrageous and offense victim-blaming -- an eight-year-old does not have the mental and emotional capacity to defend herself against an adult sexual predator!Additionally, the author victim-blames again when citing a case of a black woman who supposedly used her "racial sensitivities" to avoid taking responsibility for her actions, the author saying that "railing against racial discrimination was useless without a commitment to work toward changing it". This effectively states that victims of racism are responsible for ending racism and for teaching white people how to not be racist. I hope I don't have to explain why this is ridiculous and egregiously offensive.I do not understand why this book has so many positive reviews. I am sickened by how misogynist and outright absurd many of the claims in this book are.

If I could rate this book 0 stars, I would. It blames victims of childhood abandonment and sexual abuse for “allowing” abuse to continue and not standing up for themselves. See page 112-113.

I don't know if the title is truly indicative of what a BPD person would say, but I have a really hard time buying it. Publishers love to put shocking titles on their books to attract readership of the masses instead of appealing to an intelligent inquiring mind. So I felt mildly insulted from the start. The intro and dryly presented index failed to draw me in. I just don't think it is fair to reduce a disorder to such an odd statement. I cannot imagine a person who suspects they have BPD feeling comfortable with it when they are seeking insight. I find it hard to respect the opinions of an author who would title their book this way and alienate some of their most important readership. Perhaps they are of the opinion that those people are not as important as their friends and family? Perhaps they had no control over it, which is unfortunate. Furthermore, it was difficult to leave this book out in the open home library with such a cover. It remains hidden deep in a drawer.

I was once in a relationship with a woman who exhibited all the signs of borderline personality disorder (BPD): uncontrollable, inappropriate anger; impulsivity; self-harming; projection; splitting; idealization and devaluation; and many more were characteristic of my time with her.I walked on eggshells constantly, always either in combat during her rages or, feeling like her happier moments were merely cease-fires whose duration were always short and correctly anticipated to be so.I ended the relationship, believing my ex to be an evil reptilian person who didn't know the meaning of the word "empathy."But I also didn't know about the ways family and others in relationships with a borderline can cope with the borderline's behavior. The SET-UP technique described by the author could certainly have helped me address my ex's episodes more effectively and more proactively than gearing up for battle and, ultimately, walking away.The advances in psychotherapies and even in medication (though no medications are specifically indicated for BPD) are helping many borderlines alleviate their symptoms, develop healthier relationships, achieve some degree of remission, and lead lives closer to normal, and show great hope for the future. And "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" discusses these quite thoroughly and optimistically.As I progressed through this book, I often wondered what it would have been like had I stayed in the relationship with my ex, knowing about the various coping methods like SET-UP, and working through family therapy with her (my ex was seeing a therapist during the time we were together, but she told me it was for depression and anxiety, not BPD; I pieced together that she had BPD after the relationship ended). Maybe if I had been a little more patient, a little more firm at maintaining boundaries, and definitely a little more supportive and empathic, we may have been able to achieve a longstanding, happy relationship.One last thing: if you're the type who stops reading the book at the last chapter and doesn't venture into reading the appendices of a book, you may want to break from that routine for this book. Appendix B provides a great discussion of how the borderline personality disorder diagnosis evolved. Definitely worth reading.Whether you're a student of psychology, a practicing therapist, a borderline struggling to stop the pain, or a family member or relationship partner of a borderline, you will find "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me," an informative, helpful resource in stopping the pain of this terrible disorder.

I was recommended this by my treatment provider shortly after being diagnosed with Borderline & I can honestly tell you this book changed my life. It was the first time I actually read something that made me say "omg this is me, I'm not just crazy". The information in it is incredibly valuable, I actually recommend it to the individuals I work with now when they are diagnosed or someone is thinking they have that diagnosis & I often get the same feedback that I gave when I read it. People seem to either relate to it a lot or question the symptoms which is helpful in being able to tell your provider WHY you don't think it matches your behavior. It's so well written & moving that Demi Lovato even wrote a song (literally called I Hate You, Don't Leave Me) after reading it to understand herself. I highly recommend it to providers, those who have loved ones that struggle with BPD, those diagnosed with BPD, & even people who just want to know more.

Brought this book with high hopes after reading the reviews to try and help my family understand my illness. It has now been returned.This book focuses on the extremes of this illness, which I accept is sadly representative of many people experiencing this illness, but is not representative of all. The way the book is written implies that all individuals with this condition present with the extreme examples of the symptoms inherent with BPD. This is 100% untrue.This book reinforces stereotypes and stigma, and is misinformative for the lay person trying to learn more to help loved ones.The term "the borderline" is used to identify the sufferers and is completely impersonal. I understand that "Individuals with BPD" would be a nightmare to use throughout a book but a little more thought into how the BPD community is referred to would have been nice.If you want to learn more about this illness, there is much better information online.

This book constantly comes up as one of the best books on BPD. I have read a lot of books on the disorder and this is the only one I have absolutely hated. The language of the book helps to perpetuate stigmas. I found it to be extremely condescending and unhelpful. I was reading the updated version which makes me cringe to think what the original version from the 80s must have been like. Do better.

I'm giving this book a 5/5 not because it's good, but because it made me reliase that BPD doesn't. The reason why it is difficult to diagnose 'us' and treat 'us' is because we are not ill. We are just different. This book is the equivalent of "Pray the Gay away".You cannot 'cure' a disease that doesn't exist. Instead, think about providing those that are 'different' with the contextual input we need...muppets.

The book is easy to digest and presents solid information... most of the time. A lot of the things here are outdated (what's with the constant referring to MySpace in modern contexts?) and often rely in a very old-school way of thinking (speaking of gender as a dichotomy, sometimes referring to different sexual orientations as sexual perversions, etc.). Despite that, the book does its best to present everything in a factual way. While it my fail sometimes, not everyone is born "woke" and it's only natural there will be instances of it being outdated.If you're someone with BPD, take into consideration that some of the language used may be objectifying and impersonal - making you seem more like an object than a person. However, I felt it did a great job of making the symptoms feel valid and real, instead of just "pretending" like many therapists.All in all, decent but nothing groundbreaking.

I believe this was one of the first widely-published books about BPD, before it became as well-publicised as it is now. It was one of the first serious books I read on the subject and to say it was enlightening would be an understatement. If you have any doubts about your diagnosis/status, I think reading this book will help you decide. I certainly recognised myself very early on. I don't recall finding any particular self-help guidance but it was very useful to develop my understanding of symptoms and non-BPD perception of the condition. It's the second time I've bought it as I've lent my original copy out so many times I've now lost track of who has it. This is an important book in my reference library and if you want to know more about BPD (for whatever reason) I think you'll find the writer's style and use of specific case studies really accessible. Recommend highly. The seller shipped this quickly and it was well-packaged. Would buy again (and probably will....!)