Aura Cleanser

Everyone gets a little sad now and then; it's just part of life. But when I'm feeling angsty and emo, I don't want to wallow in it, or find the cure at the bottom of six pints of Cherry Garcia. Nor am I interested in paying some guy three bills an hour to lie on his couch and debate whether his ink blot collection resembles Russell Brand Chia pets or my mother's wahooga.I figured there had to be a quick fix pick-me-up, somewhere in all of the products that Amazon sells.I read once that the key to happiness is a balanced aura. I think it was on the back of a cereal box. Patchouli-Os, maybe, or the one with Hemp, Crackle and Pop.Anyway, this product seemed like a quick and easy way to adjust the old chi, without any pesky yoga or meditating or tantric tie-dye sessions. But I wasn't exactly sure how to apply it. First, I tried spraying it all over and rubbing it in, like some kind of cosmic Deep Woods Off. But I didn't feel any better; just a little sticky.So I tried 'spritzing' it, and walking through it like a perfume or cologne. But that didn't help, either. Maybe my aura needed a heavier coating, or the ceiling fan just slapped the mist all around the room. Finally, I tried applying internally, like a hit of Binaca. It tasted like barefoot and out-of-work hacky sacks. I don't know if that means it's working, but I suddenly have the urge to grow a soul patch and burn incense. I guess you could call that... 'progress'?

I am sorry to say this, but this is a terrible Aura cleanser. My 2008 Saturn Aura is constantly attracting dust and muck from the world, and this spray did very little to help remove it. I sprayed it all around the Aura as suggested by the instructions, and the only result was slightly damp dirt on the paint. I tried to use it on the interior of my Aura, and this only led to slightly damp upholstery and foggy glass. I'll give it two stars because the packaging is very attractive and it does smell rather nice.

My astral-sensitive friends all commented on the brightness of my aura after using this product. After several weeks of use though I found that while sleeping under my ORMUS pyramid, my soul was bleeding in several spots, and later, after getting out of the shower and seeing my reflection in the mirror I noticed my chakras had noticable sagging and had slipped downward out of position. Plus, my thetan seems to have picked up engrams I had not had for some time. I searched the web for information on this and found many others had experienced the same thing. Yahoo answers suggested stop using the product, so I will once I have used up the rest of the bottle.

When it cleared away the negativity from my aura, there was nothing left.As with all cleaning products, test on an inconspicuous region of your aura first.

I found this product to be reasonably effective on routine aura-cleansing jobs, such as removing blood and coffee spills. However, it has been totally useless at more challenging tasks such as removing pet stains. I own 19 cats and I need a more heavy duty product. Fortunately, I discovered Nu-Age Aura Pet Stain Remover and Odor Eliminator, which I would suggest to anyone who has a similar problem.

So I sprayed this stuff on my Aura and, at first, I thought it was great. My Aura was all peaceful and stuff. Unfortunately, about 30 minutes later, I had uncontrollable gas. Not normal gas, mind you, but loud angry negative Aura gas. I mean it just brought the whole room down and it smelled like discontentment mixed with grape soda. I give it 2 stars.

Just a few squirts of this amazing cleanser will purify and polish even the filthiest auras, restoring them to the sparkling field of luminous radiation once enjoyed exclusively by the most holy and spiritually pure. Simply apply cleanser to a lint free cloth and scrub continuously until the desired effect is reached. Not to be used more than once a week or by migraine sufferers. Do not apply near or in the third eye. In case of accidental third eye contamination, flush with clean water and consult your spiritual adviser as soon as possible.

Fluff up your aura? More like frizz up your aura. After all my negativity was removed, I was left with a serious imbalance of energy charges. Electronic devices would go haywire when I walked past them, and I had to be extremely careful pumping gas into my car. Luckily it does wear off after a few days. If you need to restore balance more quickly, you can just watch part of "Platoon" or "Requiem for a Dream" to get back those negative charges.