Shamed: The Honour Killing That Shocked Britain - by the Sister Who Fought for Justice Paperback – International Edition, June 1, 2013

It’s an emotionally hard read, and it is very much worth the read. The book is written in a very thoughtful way.

I downloaded this book onto my Kindle because I love stories about different cultures and their practices - even if they are outdated, not widely practiced, or horribly tragic, like the one in this book turned out to be. This is a true story written by Sarbjit Kaur Athwal, (you can even google her and the investigation that took place) a Punjabi woman who was raised in London, England - at least part of the times. Her parents were traditional Sikhs (a peaceful religion) who were scared that they would lose their daughter over to the European culture of jeans, short skirts, dating, not being able to speak her (parents') native tongue, etc. She is the first daughter of six, first child of seven. They are exceptionally strict with her. They even send her to Punjab (in India) for two years for what can only be equated to "Marriage Training" - learning to cook, clean, serve, etc... She tries to put off her inevitable arranged marriage and succeeds for some time by getting a job. When she sees her parents losing their patience with her, she agrees and relents to a marriage.At first, it seems she is very in love with her husband. It is her mother-in-law, who lives in the same house (this arrangement is common in Indian families), who creates divisions within the family. For one thing, she expects both her sons (Sarbjit married the younger son) to be subservient to her - it's her will first. They drop everything and leave and come running when their mother calls. Sarbjit tries to wean her husband off his mother with gentle prodding, but realizes the expectations from his mother have been too deeply engrained. Over the course of the book, they go through many highs and lows. As for the daughter-in-laws, the mother expects them to always be covered head to toe, be ready to cook for her and her friends even if they arrive last minute, and basically act like her personal hand servant.The title of this book is a little misleading. First off, Sarbjit didn't fight for her sister, but rather her sister-in-law (her husband's brother's wife). Her SIL is outgoing, young in age, vibrant, whereas her BIL is always scheming and drinking. Her SIL cannot deal with the restrictions imposed by the MIL. The MIL feels that her older daughter in law is threatening her integrity. She has a family meeting, minus the older daughter in law, and in so many words says that she is going to have her older DIL killed.The other way I feel the title is misleading is that Sarbjit didn't do much fighting. When those around her realized something is wrong (Those in her birth family, not family by marriage), they take action to find out what is wrong. When she tells them that her SIL was purposefully killed off and she's scared for her life, they do everything in their power to help her. Instead, she chooses to go back to a house where she faces fear, violence, and threats every day of her life. It takes her something like 7 years to get the police actively involved, which only happens because of a ruse her parents create: saying they want their daughter to visit but really having a police inspector waiting, leaving her no choice but to tell her story...7 YEARS LATER. She did do passive things like make an anonymous phone call and write an anonymous letter and mail it to the police station saying an international murder is about to occur (as the actual murder occurred when the mother sent her daughter-in-law to India). However, I think even she knew those efforts were weak.What DID take courage and strength was to testify against her entire family (by marriage). I'm sure that she still fears that they may send hitmen after her the way they did with her sister-in-law. Sarbjit was presented overall as a weak, scared, fledgling character. But then again, I don't have any experience with Domestic Violence, so I'm sure all that brainwashing over the years really got to her. I'm glad she finally did the right thing.This is a book that is definitely worth picking up. When we think honor killings, we think of fathers killing their daughters in the Middle East for having a boyfriend. This honor killing was planned and enacted smack dab in the middle of London, England!!! This book is worth reading just to see how completely different religions and lifestyles coincide within one big Metropolitan city - from ultra conservative to liberal. This is NOT the side of London you see or hear about when reading about Buckingham Palace or London Fashion week!!!

Eye opening- living in a multicultural era and truly international city, I am familiar with the use of words like ‘honour’ and ‘shame’ to control the female species, not only in Sikhism but also Islam. ‘Sarb’ is absolutely correct in her analysis, it’s not the religion but the human behind the interpretation of the religion, the human that uses his or her religion to carry out truly evil deeds usually originating from jealousy, envy, greed or a false sense of pride. I wish this book could be recommended reading at high school, to educate the future generations.

Deeply moving story. This girl - Sarbjit - had such an unlucky arranged marriage, with a terrible mother-in-law. The families are from the Punjab (northern India, at the border of Pakistan). Her sister in law was killed on holiday in the Punjab with her mother-in-law. This was all planned, because she didn't obey the strict honour and shame rules. This clearly was a honour killing. The family got away with it for years. Sarbjit was afraid to call in the police. Finally she did, partly because the killed girl's brother fighted for justice. The story is written well, I can recommand this book to everyone, and especially to those who are interested in HBV-cases (Honour Based Violence).

Could not put this book down. Even though one can guess the story and outcome. Its hard to believe Families in a free country can still live and instill traditions of their past on their family. One has to wonder why they emigrate to a "free and open country" The brainwashing of this young girl is horrific...from my standards. I know there are a lot of books on this and similar subjects. One has to admire the young lady in this story to have moved on. Shamed has been written by the subjects sister. I found it very easy to read

This read has me thinking about how many of these different nationalities are so much the same in these foreign countries. Reading this was like reading about the women being treated in Iran. It is very disturbing on how females can be treated in these countries around the globe. This honour killing was an incident that should of never happened and the family that was involved should not have gotten away with it for so long. Don't want to say to much for I don't want to give information away on others that would like to read this book. It does keep you in suspense and I read this within 8 hrs. The reason I gave it a 4 stars to let you know that there are misspelled words and some repeated information throughout the book but if you want to read another story about the poor treatment of women in a different culture besides Iran then this book is for you.

I very much enjoyed reading this book. The book is well written and comes straight from the heart of the author. It definitely opens ones eyes to the suffering of women not only living in the Middle East, but those living in westernized countries within their religious communities. It's just hard to wrap my mind around the suffering of others. I found myself reading this book at times and not being able to put it down. I highly recommend this book.

This heartbreaking true story describes the horror inflicted and the poisonous bullying and disregard for life. The courage to fight for the truth and justice for the victim and to stand up against all the odds to the evil within

Reading this story, although known to me, from a different perspective - sad and emotional

I hardly know where to start with my review, so I'll just say up front to buy the book if you care at all about women world wide.Easy to read, well written and dare I say it was an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Shamed is not all that shocking to me because I have lived it, although not to the point of the disappearance or murder of anyone I know. Shaming women into subliminal slavery is not just limited to the Sikh culture, it is riddled in every single religion world wide. Including the Christian one westerners are so proud to wave like flag of freedom to free will. Inserted in the western christian culture is the same idea that woman are not to be believed, they are less credible than any man (ask a rape victim), and still earn a far less wage than our male counterparts. Women bear the burden of not only raising children our men abandon without a second thought in too many cases, but to have to work at a fraction of the salary and keep a household together. If a child is in trouble, shame on the mother. Always. Men are given a free ride and it's time women (like me) spoke up against the loss of our sex for the last 2000 years. In my culture, when a woman approaches middle age she is not so sexy, and are often abandoned as television and internet porn incite men to like younger and younger women. Don't get me wrong, women can be guilty too of their own violent reactions to life circumstances. Child molestation is happening to one in two girls by a family friend or relative! No one is listening. Not until the girl is on the streets with a needle in her arm.I blame both men and women for keeping the hate on women alive.Sarbjit you took me on a wild ride there, with all of your thoughts and impressions of what was going on I found myself getting angry with you. If you were consciously aware of what was happening how could you keep the lies alive? Time and time again I had solutions for you, but you took none of them. Then I had to get into understanding your upbringing, and understand just how trapped you were into believing you were powerless. Your lack of television, western friendships, and interrupted education kept you from understanding how the justice system works gives me much sympathy for you and makes your story and my story different, and so I was able to continue, hoping upon hope that the end of your story would satisfy me. It certainly did.My book, called Evil Eyes, A Daughter's Memoir has no hero. Today I am estranged from the entire family I grew up with and am left to live my old age with the knowledge that everyone out there still thinks I am the liar. They know my story but will never agree to read my book as my own mother made sure I was the enemy across all family members and I am simply not to be believed. I am also the daughter of a psychopath, my father, and she made sure everyone believes that I am his daughter in every nasty way. I love you because you are one of the few who so succinctly described the workings of the emotional manipulator. They are masters at whipping their targets with fear and shame to ensure their own nasty agenda can be achieved. My mother finally died in 2009 but her shame on me lives on and so I had to escape. I mean, not in the way you did but by just not trying anymore. I will never get the validation you were able to achieve in your story and my family will always believe (or claim) I am the bad one. I was there with you when you learned the verdict while leaning against the brick wall. I felt your freedom and am not going to lie, I had a little cry over that because my story is one I must live alone with. Thank God for your wise mother and father, and their clear love for you in spite of their own cultural conditioning.I applaud your faith in your religion still. I cannot. I have no faith in a religion where God only speaks to men. The holy bible in the Christian religion has been re-written time and time again depending on the leaders of the times and they were also men. And yet if you question a book or a chapter or a word you are told "God wrote it." Really? Really??? You may think western women are freer, and we have more liberties and rights than your own culture offers. This is true on the surface. Underneath is an underlying message that women are bling. Ornaments to be treasured like gold as long as they look good and sexy. My awakening to the realities of women's issues world wide started in my own Christian upbringing. I know Jesus inside and out, I know what his teachings meant and how they were like magic in transforming old thought. He was suppose to be the 'good news' and instead they took his name and make a mockery of him and his entire message. They made him God, and the Jesus I know would have been horrified to know that. Try telling a 'trained Christian' who believes a virgin gave birth to the Christ (because a dirty women would never do, would she?) to go ahead and pray directly to God, Jesus won't mind. You can't, it is so embedded here that to even say Jesus was a prophet whose message is important would be asking for trouble. I am unable to speak up in any venue other than atheist one's, and I am not an atheist. I have a deep understanding of what Jesus was saying to the people of the times and how we can all live such healthier, happier lives if we replaced fear, hate, shame, and envy with unconditional love for everyone. More wars are started and finished in the name of religion I am baffled as to how asleep we are. We let it happen.And, this is another point I really wanted to make; my freedom came from an understanding that I am responsible for all of my own mistakes and my happiness in this life's journey. That if I do not acknowledge where I went wrong in my thinking I cannot heal myself. I was so angry over the lack of belief that my stepfather was sexually abusing me that I lost myself in some way. Then it came to me, very loud, -- I did not speak up. I sense I must speak up now more than ever. And sadly the west is not ready to hear there is an epidemic of child molestation going on and no one wants to look. The girls will not come forward for their own fear and shame over themselves. Our society is so sick (like yours) we are creating addicts at an alarming rate. Mental illness is at an all time high because no one wants to see the truth in anything anymore. We are being manipulated by television and politicians into thinking one way...and it is entirely the wrong way to think! How people do not know simple right from wrong is beyond me, but I fear the truth is lost in the lies of the evil and most (most!) people are willing to let that happen as they ignore what is going on in their own homes, churches, and schools. We label kids and then drug them! It's crazy, the world is crazy, and being a sensitive person with innate knowledge of right and wrong, this feels like hell sometimes. In fact, the more I wake up, the more I suspect our future is in jeopardy everywhere because everyone wants to stay asleep. I can see exactly how you didn't speak up in your circles, and I can see how so many women are left to fiend in the world for themselves if they dare speak up as well. It is not just in your culture, I want to impress upon you.I am reading all sorts of books coming out of the middle east on the fate of women in Muslim cultures. I am so pleased with your book about the Sikh and Indian culture, but I know it is a lot worse than even you have indicated for girls and women in India still. Now you know Canada and America are equally sick, just in different ways that work better on how we are conditioned. We are free, but we are holding up the hole dang system on our backs with shame to make sure we stay down. All one has to do is look at who is in government and heads of financial corporations to see this. All one has to do is to see a famous actor can drug and rape 50 women and ruin their lives, and not be held accountable. Women are being murdered by domestic violence at alarming numbers but shhhhh, we are free!I would have loved to have met you. I was born in Vancouver where your older sister lives and know the style of houses the indian people build here. I know the women are treated like slaves even here, and we do nothing with our own laws to protect them. I know why the police ignored your two calls for help. You are just a women in the UK as you are in India. That is the truth, and that is what must change. I hope you keep speaking up, and as you go along I hope you get even braver. I'm trying still, but it is exhausting when you stand alone. I know you know that.Best wishes my friend. My heart and your heart meet together in the knowledge that our spirits do know the difference in what is right, and what is wrong. As we both awaken may we find peace in knowing that our granddaughters may have a chance if we continue to work to make women as valuable as men in all sectors and cultures. Why not?I do wish you all of the best and thank you for sharing your amazing story!CherylannHave to add a story I hope you don't mind: I had some very good Sikh friends in the early 1980s. I lived in a suite of their home. These beautiful souls did not bring all of the Sikh culture with them from what I witnessed. For the first time I was friends with people from anywhere other than Canada. Peter and Ginger were a very nice family and even babysat for me on weekends as I worked two jobs trying to keep a home for my small child. Peter told me his family were very wealthy and had girl slaves (sex and house servants without pay) in India. He told me it was common to import them from other poorer areas. He actually was the one to initially inspire me to get to know other cultures other than first dress impressions. I asked him why so many East Indian men molested hitchhikers (it was safe at one time and the only trouble I had when I hitched a ride seemed to come from E.Indians) and he said because Indians 'see' and believe western women are all easy. He would be right and wrong compared to his culture. We are allowed to choose our men for the most part and don't appreciate unasked for pawing.Here is the beauty of the story with Peter and Ginger. After two years they bought another house and told me they rented the upstairs suite to four young men! I was horrified and angry and thought I would have to move for sure, as I was a hard working 23 year old with a child to raise, and in no mood to put up with single young guys out of the house for the first time. Long story short, one of the young single men turned out to be my husband of 25 years. We divorced in 2010 after our marriage couldn't sustain after a trauma I won't get into here.I feel like I know you dear woman. I have traveled the world, but did not make it to Asia, except Asia Minor in 2005. I wouldn't ever go to India. I know you know why :)

Une vie de femme mariée vécue dans la peur. Ppur y mettre fin, Sarbjit a finalement eu le courage de témoigner du meurtre de sa belle-soeur devant un tribunal.

Provides an in-depth look at the cultural clash for Indians residing in Western countries and what happens when there are value clashes and rebellion. A must read for those working in communities with significant Indian immigrant populations.