The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World (Perigee Book) Paperback – December 4, 2012

"The Introvert's Way - Living A Quiet Life In A Noisy World" by Sophia Dembling was eye opening and very self revealing. I discovered it in reading an article by the author in the Wall Street Journal. I was 76. I've had a good life. I'm highly educated. I've retired from a good profession. Yet, somehow, I've always felt that I just didn't mark up. I felt like an imposter. Deep down, I was a loner who preferred being by myself a lot of the time. I spent loads of time just sitting around thinking. I always seemed to be inside my own head. I shunned obvious socializing. I tried to hide my true nature and be more outgoing. Well, after reading only the Introduction to this book (What Would Jung Say?) I fully realized that I was a deep-dyed introvert. I guess I've always known, but I didn't think about it much. I always viewed it as a negative characteristic. Also, finally, I realized, with the help of Author Dembling and this book, that it was totally normal and not negative at all.Ms Dembling defines what she means by the term introvert and introduces the extrovert-introvert spectrum. On that scale I lie deep within the introverts. Then, chapter by chapter, she explains what it means to be an introvert and always from an introvert's point of view. It's revealing and interesting. I can clearly see that author Dembling understands my kind of person. Every chapter fits me almost perfectly. Perhaps one thing I might elaborate on is shyness. It seems to go along with being an introvert, or at least that's the way people think. I've always considered myself as being shy, but am I? I love public speaking, for example. I've given over 400 public talks with audiences up to 300, plus I've taught university classes on a daily basis. I love being in front of an audience or on TV. I once had a 20-minute gig as a stand-up comic with an audience of about 150. I spent two solid weeks preparing for it, and when I finished and stepped down from the podium people were crying from the laughter. I had a high that lasted a week! This is shyness? But I'm still an introvert. Well, Johnnie Carson was an introvert, as Dembling points out.Then there's the matter of extroversion via booze. That seems to work for a lot of people. Not me. Not at all. I can arrive at a party as an introvert, take a couple drinks and I'm an introvert who has had a couple drinks. I can drink to where it's hard to walk, but I'm still an introvert. At times, I drink a lot but nobody has ever witnessed me publicly drunk. Well, other people certainly aren't that way, as we all know. In graduate school, I knew a very shy extrovert. Yes, that's possible, as Dembling points out. Once in class on the first day, the professor asked the name and previous school of everyone. Each student had to stand up and deliver it. This one guy couldn't do it. He couldn't utter his own name or his undergraduate school! He was that shy! However, he would show up at a party and his shyness would decrease with every drink. Before long he'd be in the center of the room leading the crowd in singing hilarious dirty songs. He was always a big hit and everybody would be talking about it days afterward. At one crowded party, I heard a bunch of muffled thumping and bumping sounds and I looked around and this guy was in the center of the room outfitted with skis and ski poles. He had skied down the stairs from the second floor to that position. Everyone was laughing and having a great time with it. Ah yes, shy extroverts!In looking back on my early years and using the insight of this book, I'd say that both Mom and Dad were introverts. Mom especially, and anyone could spot it. Dad was more difficult. He was superficially much more outgoing, but I think it was a learned condition and he was taught, possibly in corporate training sessions, that being an introvert was a bad thing. Well, I was a born introvert and it was readily apparent, and becomes much more apparent after reading this fine book. Dad always regarded it as a negative characteristic and thought it would prove to be a hindrance in my later life. He'd often tell me I had to be more outgoing. He'd always point out successful people and indicate out how they had lot's of personality, as he put it, and how people with less personality (a secret message to me) would never be as successful. I developed feelings of inferiority. No matter, it became a driving force. When I went to college, I had a slow start, but by the time I was 26 I had BA, MS and PhD degrees, all from major universities. Then I got a university teaching position at 26, and by 32 I was promoted to Full Professor. At the age of 35 I was elected Department Chairman. Dad knew enough university people to realize that this record was stunningly successful. I think he gradually came to realize that much of what he taught me was nonsense. Well, I should add, that his intentions were in the right place, I have no doubt. I'm sure Dad didn't know what an introvert was. He was interpreting my lack of extrovert qualities as being negative. Dembling explains this common tendency well in her book.Now, I have a wonderful little four-year-old boy. He's very bright, energetic, personable and good looking. He's the picture of future success, I'd guess. But I can already see that down under everything, he's a introvert. That's okay. I'm very proud of him and I prefer him being an introvert. Personally, I regard it as a gift and I'll never criticize him for it. I'll try to nurture him in the best way possible to thrive in a world of extoverts.This is an excellent book, especially for introverts. Read it and understand yourself. If you're an extrovert, read the book as a way of understanding introverts.Gary Peterson

Most people will be surprised to learn that introverts are not a minority, that 50 percent of the population are considered introverts - individuals who prefer solitude to large parties; who'd rather read a book than engage in small talk.'The Introvert's Way' by Sophia Dembling, identifies and explains some characteristics of introverts with personality traits that were once considered disorders requiring psychiatric treatment. Sigmund Freud once declared that introversion was pathological and a form of neurosis. It's these kind of misconceptions that have plagued quiet people for centuries, even today.With light-hearted prose, and short chapters sprinkled with some humor, the author effectively describes the 'symptoms', like how introverts aren't too interested in socializing or small talk; are deep thinkers with a low threshold for pain and noise and, that "nine out of ten introverts agree: the telephone is the tool of the devil."An aversion to telephones and answering voice calls, out of the blue, is one trait that many introverts might relate to. Dembling does a good job of explaining why that is, and how she's learned to cope. And thank gosh for the development of text messaging, social media and e-mails, modern-day cures for the flood of dopamine that makes introverts feel overwhelmed and anxious whenever a phone rings.The book also includes quotes from real introverts and extroverts bemoaning their respective issues and real-world challenges. How is it possible that both an introvert and extrovert could get along, even get married? Dembling explains that it's possible to make compromises, and important to respect each other's space.The author explains that the theme of her book is to accept that introversion is simply another way of being, that it's up to us to recognize and accept it. To learn to live the way we feel most comfortable and complete.The book also dispels some common misconceptions. That having a quiet disposition, a tendency to sit in a corner and observe at parties is perfectly fine. And to accept that noisy extroverts are just the way they are, and that some of us can have a mix of both personality traits.Whether or not you are an introvert, and even if you're concerned about the quiet behavior of your children, 'The Introvert's Way' is an enlightening read.