Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions Hardcover – March 7, 2017

"I matter. I matter equally. Not ‘if only’. Not ‘as long as’. I matter equally. Full stop."This book is a very small book (65 pages) with very important messages. I wanted to highligh everything.Please read it!The text that follows is a personal sharing and not a comment on the book. Is is about my journey and why I am commited to educating myself about privile and feminism. Consider yourself warned, be gentle and proceed with caution.I grew up with 5 brothers and all my life I did the same things they did: I loved stories, I played with legos, I had dolls but also cars and Dinosaurs (barbies use to ride a T-Rex), I had a bike and rollerblades and loved them. I did not like football, but not all of them did anyway, and it was mostly because of my clumsiness. I run in parks, climbed trees and got dirty. I did this almost always wearing a dress or leggins because of the freedom of movement. I was always able to choose my own clothes, except when we had lunch with my grandparents.I grew loving books, music and board games. I love Star Wars and Lord of the Rings as well as Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid and Alladin (We all still know these movies by heart).I was always absolutely convinced I would study STEM subjects. My father advised me to choose any engineering course (because I loved math and physics) but I chose biochemistry. I hated it so much that I wanted to get as far away from the subject as possible and went on to study management, specializing in finance.I did not know how privileged I was when I was growing up. In fact, I am still learning about privilege in general.I knew I was privileged in many areas of my life: I grew up with a family, I was able to study and have nothing significant lacking in my life. I am aware that this is a huge amount of privilege obviously, what I didn’t understand was how lucky I was to grow in a family that teach me I could be whatever I wanted.When I started going to interviews I was asked if I had a boyfriend, when was I planning to have kids and if I felt comfortable travelling since it would affect the family.When I started working in corporate finance we were 8 women in approximately 40 employees and only one was a Director.When I started going to client board meetings I was almost always the only woman in the room.In 10 years of consultancy I only spoke with 3 women with decision making power and only one of them was CEO.When we decided to have kids I really wanted a girl because of the extra challenge of preparing her for a world that it is still not equal for women. I wanted to raise a girl to be whatever she wants but aware of her privilege, as well as the dificulties she might face.Little did I know about the immensity of a challenge it is.I know what I want to teach her and is absolutely in line with everything written in this book. The problem is educating society.Society begins to invent gender roles even before they are born! I keep explaining to my husband’s family the kind of toys and clothes I want and go on receiving kitchen appliances and pink babies.At this point, I am not even sure if she really likes pink and purple or if it was manipulated by the tons of pink objects available in the world (I try to choose everything in happy colours to counterbalance but it is a challenge).I keep seeing friends and family raising their kids with gender biases and its tricky to interfere as nobody likes to be told what to do.Gender injustice is real, but I always have to prove its existence and its exhausting. Even the friends that acknowledge gender injustice have difficulty in understanding that a lot of their actions and language are gender biased.I feel very lucky with my life and what I have accomplished. I want to see more females in positions of power. I want it not to feel like luck and to be available to all women.I will keep educating myself and force my friends do the same and eventually we will #BreakTheBias.

Reading this "feminist manifesto" made me realised that my father, now 74, was and is still a feminist.My father was always the first one the wake up in the morning, by 5 am the latest. He will take his torch, a broom and sweep the compound. Then he will fetch water and store it in the two big jars. He will warm up some water for the bath of all family members. By the time we wake around 6 am, he had his bath and would start listening to news with his old radio. During weekends, he will get firewood. Our neighbours would always treat my father as too weak because "he was doing household chores reserved to my mother". But my father didn't care at all. He kept sweeping, fetching water, and getting firewood because for him it was his duty as husband and as father.As I grew up, I started "copying" my father's exemple. I would sweep the compound, fetch water, get firewood etc.. My friends were always mocking at me but, but as my father, I didn't really care. My single childhood regret was the fact that my mother banned me access to the kitchen. For her, the kitchen belongs to women and bring bad luck to boys. As you can see, my mother wasn't a feminist; not her fault, but the fault of the culturally constructed gender roles in our societies.Looking back, my father was a great help for me. He, consciously or unconsciously, rejected the idea of gender roles (the third suggestion of Chimamanda to her friend Ijeawele.Reading this "manifesto" comfort me: my father was right; our neighbours were wrong. I wish this book was published earlier and that I had read it before getting married and having children. I would have raised my two boys differently.Nevertheless, I've raised them to respect girls (and boys) not because of their sex or gender identity but because they are human beings with rights and dignity that must be respected, promoted and protected by all means and by all costs.This book reinforced my conviction.

This is a required book for a WGS class, and I actually really enjoyed reading it. She brings up some great points and the book targets some important issues.

The book was just as described and arrived on time!!

I am tempted to gift a copy of this to every parent of a young child I know. I enjoyed this. It was written clearly and with optimism.

My coworker and friend gave me this book when my twin daughters turned 5 - more of a birthday present for me, I suppose. I read this book in an hour, and refer back to it often, reading even a few age appropriate lines to my girls, now alomost 8.This book is derived from a letter the author of the book Ms. Adichie wrote her friend, Ijeawele, when Ijeawele had her first baby. Ijeawele reached out to her friend for advice on raising her daughter. Among the 15 beautifully packaged pieces of advice Ms. Adichie gives her friend, the following themes resonated with me. I've taken the liberty of paraphrasing in my own inartful way.-Be a full person yourself, but ask for help when you need it.My interpretation: Don't be ashamed to work outside the home. Your kid will be fine.-Raise your child together with your partner - women shouldn't be relegated just to the female roles.My interpretation: You are both equal parents. Dad doesn't need a standing ovation when he changes a diaper - he should be doing this.-"Because you are a girl" is never a reason for anything. Ever.No interpretation needed.-Teach her to reject likeability. Teach her to be brave, kind and to stand up for herself.My interpretation: "You do you!" Being kind, brave and assertive are not mutually exclusive things.Overall, lots of very good advice in an easily readable format.

I was on the train home, having already finished my first read of the month and a little way through the second, but I really wanted to read something short and preferably a non-fiction book. This ticked both boxes and I had a great time reading more wise words from my favourite feminist, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. This lady is truly an inspiration to us all, and I really felt like I learnt a lot form this honest, open-hearted letter to her friend about the best way to raise children to be feminists too! There were so many wonderful suggestions, fifteen to be exact, and I could tell that they all came from the heart.Adichie never claims to be an expert in what she talks about, but I loved her ideas, especially when it came down to choice and equality. Children should be able to CHOOSE what they want to play with. Boys and girls alike. The same applies to clothes, shoes, activities and dreams. Having worked in a kids shoe shop, I know I used to cringe when I heard mothers steer their little girls towards the pink sparkly pumps and away from the dinosaurs and train patterns that they claimed were 'meant for the boys'. Some girls LIKE dinosaurs and trains. I used to see plenty of boys wanting to wear the bright and shiny shoes and THAT'S OKAY. Let them be a princess if they want to, there is nothing more beautiful than a child's imagination! My only niggle was that because it was a letter, it included a lot of names and stories that I couldn't fully relate to. But I kind of liked that about it too. It was a letter that gave me hope and made me smile, and that was enough.

Although I don't believe everything Adichie says, which is normal, especially when discussing feminism, this is another great piece of work by Adichie. Sometimes she points out what I think are obvious, but I read and vocalise a lot of my feminism, such as "gender stereotypes are taught from a young age, with boy baby grows in blue and girl baby grows in pink' but then she also makes fantastic points like 'knowledge of cooking is not pre-installed in a vagina'. Adichie always moves and inspires me to fight fight fight for women's equality. I would love now to see a Feminist Manifesto for how to raise the boys!

I picked this one up after reading "We Should All Be Feminists" and loving it, so I definitely thought I needed to give this one a go.I think the main thing I love about this book is that it started off as a letter to her friend on how to raise a feminist daughter; the book evolves slightly from that but essentially at it's core it is that letter. It's the sort of letter that I wish I was given growing up, that I wish everyone is given growing up. We aren't asking people to be perfect or non-judgemental, we're just asking people to have opinions and question things and just try to be a little bit better. I love the way that Adichie writes; there is something that is so effortless and the writing just flows.I especially love the messages in this book about the language we ascribe to fathers "helping out" or "babysitting" - please see biggest eye roll from me ever. It is one of my biggest hates when fathers say they are babysitting their own children... you cannot babysit your own child. So much of what she writes I relate too, and I just want to go and explore the rest of her writing.

Strong, well argued case that's logical and accessible, without being a never ending whinge fest! Finally, a book about feminism that takes in the double standards and sheer wrong-headedness of so-called progressives in 2017! Adichie calls it 'Feminism Lite', I call it FAUXminism, but our thoughts align on most of the points here ... I was particularly struck by Adichie's flipping round of certain assumptions about men and women here, especially with reference to marriage being uneven, or care-giving and the notion mothers can unwittingly diminish fatherhood. Most of all I appreciated her comments on work and motherhood and that fallacy 'having it all', plus the notion women must reject femininity if they embrace feminism. Balderdash!!! Yet apparently I wear too much make up to be a real feminist. Arf!! Thoughtful commentary that's a fast read and very enlightening, with something for everyone, not just feminists IMHO.

I don't know how she does it. This ability to articulate what I've been grappling with for years. As with all Chimamanda's book, I loved this one too. As a black African woman, I appreciated the cultural dissection - not to say that our cultures are the same but they bear enough similarity to reasonate with me. I can't recommend this book enough and will be reading it to my niece's as soon as they are old enough to grasp some of the concepts.