Herbeau 550109 Dagobert DAGOBERT TOILET THRONE Wooden

This toilet comes with a DVD featuring someone who looks exactly like Tom Hanks. "My name is Robert Langdon," he says, "And with the Herbeau Dagobert Toilet Throne Wooden 550101 you shall seek the truth," and points his index finger towards the toilet seat.When I looked, I found the following words engraved into the wood:"A Dagobert II Roi et a Sion est ce tresor et il est la Mort."Now I translated this as "To Dagobert II, King, and to Sion belong this treasure and he is there dead."Hmm this Dagobert King, whoever he was, must have felt pretty good to have owned this tun of treasure, although I guess it must have sucked to be Mort. But maybe not -- after all, you need a $11,000 toilet like you need a hole in the head.....Behind the wooden edifice, I noticed a small sticker that said "Genuine Sacred Artifact Of The Knights Of The Priory Of Sion", and under that, in even smaller letters, "Made In China".I called the manufacturer's 1-800 number to find out more but all I got was a recording that said in a monotonous voice "Shepherdess no temptation that Poussin and Teniers hold the key. Peace 681." When I said "Hello? Is anyone there?" the voice said "Blue apples," and hung up. Now I know that call centers have gotten progressively worse over the years, but this was downright strange.My friend Sophie Neveu, who knows more about this stuff than I do, informs me that in order to decipher the meaning of these puzzling statements I need to travel to a place called Rennes-Le-Chateau. However, having spent $11,298.40 on this extraordinary water closet, I can no longer afford the plane fare to France.C'est la vie.

Bought this a month ago and have to say I'm not 100% please. It's always cold when I go to sit on it, and the backing creaks. Tho, I guess for this price it's a steal and you get what you pay for.

"Watson!!!" bellowed Holmes, as his left hand felt around the side of his highly-polished mahogany, genuine version of the Herbeau DAGOBERT TOILET THRONE for the  Charmin Ultra Soft, Mega Rolls, (Pack of 4)  that usually resided there. It was the only sort of bog roll that his sensitive skin could tolerate. But where the plush, gently aromatic, velvety roll once lay, a blank and empty space remained.He bit down hard on his favourite calabash and, through sheer strength of character and rock-hard will, forced himself to remain calm. He took a deep breath and continued."When last you used the lavatory...", he called downstairs. He waited for some sort of reply; for some sign that Watson's dog-like intellect was at least paying attention, but there was only silence; no confirmation had been issued from the good doctor that he had been listening. He may as well have been howling at the fog-blurred moon, for all the good it was doing him."Sometimes I despair at the state of what will inevitably become the health service in fifty years' time if people like him can follow the medical profession without getting stricken off" he muttered to himself, straightening his deerstalker hat as he admired his reflection in the mirror on the back of the toilet door as he did so. The jury was out, but he had the deciding vote - he might be getting on a bit, but he still cut a dash in the right outfit, he considered. And the wooden throne-like toilet that he sat on gave him a certain air of regality in the right light.There was a hesitant knocking on the door, shaking the mirror and waking him from his reverie. It was Watson. Annoyingly he didn't wait to be invited in, but instead opened the door almost as soon as he had knocked."What was that?" he bumbled, angling his head through the small space he had made in the doorway."I'm on the toilet, Watson" said Holmes, his lips pursing involuntarily. He had made himself a promise that he wasn't going to lose his temper with Watson any more, but it was proving hard to keep. "Oh for heaven's sake - either come in or go out - don't hide behind the blasted door!".Watson shuffled in sheepishly, keeping his focus firmly fixed on his feet."When last you used the lavatory", he said icily, "did you go for a number one, or a number two?". His voice was dangerously quiet.Watson's face showed no inkling of where Holmes was going with his cross-examination. "Why do you ask, Holmes?" Watson enquired, his wide eyes innocent of the inevitable to follow. "Well... I remember it distinctly" he continued, "I evacuated my bowels at approximately twenty past the hour - is there some murderer to be found, depending uon my reply? What possible purpose could you have by knowing such a thing?" he started in wonder."When last you used the lavatory, you did a poo - didn't you?" Holmes said, his body ramrod straight as he felt the patina of the wood on his rear, "Didn't you?" he repeated."Astounding, Holmes - but how did you know...?" said Watson in wonder"-you forgot to replace the effing toilet roll!!!" Holmes roared. He'd broken his promise again.