My Lie: A True Story of False Memory

I agree with the thoughts expressed in common in the 4 and 5 star reviews so I'm not going to repeat, except to reiterate that Meredith Maran deserves kudos for telling her story.The title, "My Lie," may seem to some to be inappropriate. At the time she accused her father, she believed what she said, which means she was not lying (although she vacillated a lot between doubt and certainty). An important bit of dogma among Radical Feminists and "post-modernists" of the era was: "Everyone has their own truth." ("Truth is subjective.") In the letter Meredith wrote to her father in 1989 (and never sent), she stated, "I don't want to see you because I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to defend my truth in the face of yours."In a case in which one person's "truth" is that incest occurred, and the other's "truth" is that it did not, there is not a lot of middle ground. So given the environment in which Meredith lived at that time ("Planet Incest," as she calls it), I see the title "My Lie" as quite appropriate, and then some -- it's sort of a wake-up call for those who would hold the absurd notion that we all have our own "truth." (Granted, we all have our own beliefs and opinions -- which may or may not be true, and which we should always be ready to modify given better information/evidence.)The fact that Radical Feminism played an important role in the Recovered Memory hysteria and of the 80s and 90s has been apparent to a few of us who really studied the issue, but it has not been a point of focus (probably because of fear of being attacked as anti-women). [So in self defense, I am a conventional feminist -- for equal rights, equal opportunity, and equal pay for equal work (ie: an equity feminist). And I acknowledge that sexual abuse of girls in our society is a serious problem, but of which not all men are guilty.] To get back to the point, thank you Meredith, for helping to illuminate the role of feminist extremism in false accusations of abuse.A chapter in the latter part of the book is (rather sarcastically) titled "In Neuroscience We Trust." However, it contains some excellent information resulting from interviews conducted by Meredith of some of our top scientists regarding memory. After one interview, Meredith wrote: "It was the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth I was after, and the synapse story didn't quite satisfy." That's an admirable attitude. Yes, consider all reasonable sources of information. BUT remember: although not perfect, science usually provides *by far* our most reliable knowledge!One of Meredith's friends, at one point in the book, said (paraphrased): It seems that we go through life trading one set of "cultish beliefs" for another. Later Meredith wrote, "But I'd lived fifty-seven years in the United States of Anything Goes ... This time I'd be taking the long way home." (Ie: cross-checking, verifying, getting facts.) Meredith's story became her search for life based upon reality, a journey upon which she has made very considerable progress. Almost at the very end of the book she wrote, "Goddess knows..." Is the Supreme Being of only one sex? Does the cult of Planet Incest or the resentment within Radical Feminism still have a bit of a hold? Oh well, none of us has a 100% handle on reality, but such a search is of major importance!My Lie is a very worth-while read.

From the late 1980s until the late 1990s, America and its psychological profession underwent "the memory wars" -- a long-running emotional, academic, and often personal debate over whether it was possible to recover repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse.There were hundreds of journal articles published, hundreds of articles in mass media, dozens of books. Researchers on both sides of the debate were reviled and sometimes personally threatened. First came books by women who claimed, through therapy, to have recovered long-forgotten memories of early abuse by fathers or other relatives. Then came books by fathers and other relatives saying they were being falsly accused, and calling the whole thing an instance of mass hysteria.Since around 2000, the debate has quieted down somewhat (for reasons that aren't quite clear to me). But with "My Lie," Meredith Maran brings a new and fascinating perspective to the issue -- the story of a retractor, a woman who accused her father of abuse and later realized her memories of abuse were in fact fictional.I've read short interviews with retractors before this, or references in articles. But never such an in-depth account of one person's story.Maran is a fluid writer and storyteller -- I cruised through the book in less than a day. She is impressively honest about her own failings and the failings of the people around her. I had a few quibbles -- I think perhaps she could have gone a little deeper into her own psychology and why her false-memories filled a need for her, and I wish she had been more detailed, evocative and literary in sharing stories from her childhood and family.But on the whole, this is a great book to read as a complement to all the academic debates on this issue. It is also a cautionary fable about how easy it is for us to get caught up in the hysteria of the moment, whether that is looking for child abusers in every day care center or fearing non-existent "death panels" in health care reform.

.......There are many very good and lengthy reviews of the book. After reading the book I have some general impressions. I am impressed with the author's honesty and courage in telling her story of being blown to and fro by the winds of our culture. I am also surprised by the emotional "neediness" that leads her on the paths she chooses (though I appreciate her sharing that). Clearly the winds of culture and the emotional needs are two undercurrents that feed hysteria. I am saddened by the hurt and pain the untrue recollections of abuse heap on the accused, the accuser and the collateral damage done to all those who are forced to witness the carnage. Finally I understand her focus on the hysteria not being limited to a particular political orientation. The search and elimination of witches, attacks by our enemies that require inordinate response, the search and eradication of communists or the search and destroy mission against those accused of sexual child abuse (innocent or guilty) all had a hysteria in common. Hysteria can happen to the religious, avowed atheists, conservatives or liberals. All of us are vulnerable. Reason and reflection are our only defense......... The title of the book is the opposite of the typical expression of the time when "recovered memories" of child sexual abuse were all the "rage" in the 1980's and 1990's. The accuser, when challenged by those knowledgeable of the actual family, would say indignantly that this is "My Truth" as if facts took a back seat to the importance of the accusation. Her perspective changed and now she realizes it was truly "My Lie".

Difficile de croire que tellement de personnes ont pû se laisser influencer à ce point y compris cette journaliste qui aurait dû prendre du recul et s'informer un peu plus tôt avant de porter de telles accusations sur son père, c'est incroyable et assez angoissant. On a envie de lui dire réveillez-vous. J'ai ressenti une certaine gêne à lire ce récit que par ailleurs je suis contente d'avoir lû.

It is difficult to conceive of a more biased, condescending and superficial review than Caroline's. Meredith Maran's book is a landmark publication and deserves serious consideration.At the outset, it should be made clear that this is not a book about child sexual abuse (CSA) and incest. It is a book about false accusations of CSA and incest. Caroline seems to have missed this point entirely.It is impossible to write a book like this without reference to genuine cases of CSA and incest, but these are not Maran's primary concern. This is to tell a story about false memory , a phenomenon that led to incredible harm to families caught up in the CSA hysteria that swept across the USA and other countries in the 1980s and 1990s. Although much abated since those early days, cases still arise. At worst, the falsely accused are still being sent to prison to join other falsely accused still incarcerated.Caroline says "I would praise this book if she had stuck with her own experience" It is precisely because "she has stuck with her own experience" that Maran's book is so compelling. Caroline wishes that she had "...weaved this with an informed and balanced account of the cultural background and the science and politics around traumatic memory and sexual abuse," in other words that Meredith Maran had written an entirely different book! There are many books that deal with "the cultural background..... etc." as Caroline should know. Maran herself lists some relevant books on page 168 but many other titles could be added.Caroline criticises Maran for not having followed incest research closely over the last ten years. Precisely! "My Lie" is about a false accusation of incest not incest itself, books about which are available in abundance.Caroline takes an unprincipled swipe at the "unsubstantiated claims" of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation (FMSF) "and their supporters." What "unsubstantiated claims?" She does not say.Caroline says of Maran that "she agrees with the science on this (the recovery of memories of sexual abuse) and that she has praised Professor Jennifer Freyd's book "Betrayal Trauma" as making a strong case for recovered memories." She does not say how she knows this. This statement cannot be found in the book. Jennifer Freyd is the accusing daughter of Pamela and Peter Freyd, the founders of the FMSF. Interestingly, Jennifer Freyd refused to be interviewed for the book whereas Pamela Freyd was willing to discuss both her daughter and the circumstances that led to the establishment of the FMSF.However, Caroline gives the game away completely when she says of Maran that she has "no regard to the harm she causes by aligning herself so strongly with false memory campaigners." This is the line frequently taken by commentators like Caroline. Is she denying the reality of false memories? If so she is ignoring the vast mountain of evidence for the existence of false memories, ranging from the anecdotal to academic research at the highest level.What about the harm caused by false accusations of CSA? Many of the families involved have children who have suffered, sometimes excessively, as a consequence of false accusations. Maran's own family is a case in point. It is another form of child abuse and it is an excruciating thought that those, like Caroline, who purport to be interested in child protection should be promoting an attitude that itself can be the cause of abuse. Men (and possibly women) falsely accused have committed suicide. In such cases, those making false accusations bear a terrible responsibility.Those actually abused will all the more readily understand the trauma caused by false accusations. It is those who make false accusations who should be criticised because they make it more difficult for the voices of the genuinely abused to be heard. Maran was one of these but she has courageously acknowledged the harm she caused, and through her book is seeking to make amends, as far as possible. For her trouble she has received hate mail and death threats as she explained to Derrick Ashong on the Oprah Radio show.In this grippingly written book, Meredith Maran describes how she was brought into the world of incest politics by editing a book for a "pioneering feminist" researcher. She spent several years writing on CSA for newspapers and magazines. She joined the CSA "panic" (her word) and shortly after the publication in 1988 of the "Bible of the recovered memory movement, `The Courage to Heal,' " accused her father of molesting her. Whatever help it has brought to genuine survivors of CSA, "The Courage to Heal" is here revealed as the incredibly damaging vehicle it has been in encouraging, or inciting women to falsely accuse parents.Maran describes the relationship she had with her father (largely to the exclusion of her mother), in her early years. She describes her lengthy involvement with therapists, her marriage, the raising of her two children and the effect on them and the whole family of her accusations. She describes the break up of her marriage and the establishment of a relationship with a woman who was also living with the effects of alleged CSA but the memories of which Maran eventually comes to believe to be false, like her own. This realised she severed their relationship.After eight years of separation, Maran finally became reconciled with her father. She apologised to him: "I accused you of doing something terrible to me. And I was wrong."Reactions to this book are bound to be complex because readers will come to it from many and varied backgrounds. However, in so spectacularly blowing the lid off the false memory/recovered memory hysteria of the 1980s and 1990s, Maran has not only done an immense service to those falsely accused of CSA, she has also done a great service to genuine survivors of CSA by delineating ways in which women get to believe, wrongly, that they have been abused. In doing this she has put into relief the experiences of the genuinely abused, the vast majority of whom, far from having difficulty remembering the abuse they suffered, have difficulty in forgetting.

Very good contribution-Gets to the heart of the matter-the debunking of Freud's charlatanism and the tragedy thousands of families were put through as a result of his myths!